


Raising a Song 101

by wholockedpsycho7



Series: Hello Sweetie [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Gen, Mother-Daughter Relationship, father! Doctor, mum! River, timebaby
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-17
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-01-16 02:21:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 32,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1328317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholockedpsycho7/pseuds/wholockedpsycho7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>River is as close as the Library as she can get without going to Darillium. Amy and Rory have just disappeared from his life. So, the plan- 1. save River from the Library. Her regaining the ability to regenerate a bonus. 2. Raise his daughter to the best of his ability. 3. Beg River for another baby. 4. Do all of this without Clara finding out.<br/>(Sequel to Hello Sweetie, but not necessarily mandatory to read it first)</p><p>These stories are based on characters and situations created and owned by  BBC and Steven Moffat. No money is being made from them and no infringement is intended.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_February 19, 2013_

_Came back from Manhattan yesterday. Turns out I met a River who isn't pregnant yet. I left Brooke with an older her at Amy and Rory's house while we were there. I guess she knew the whole time. I think I'm leaving again soon, though. River can tell. The tension between us is huge after the argument yesterday about her parents. Unfortunately, it's an angry kind of tension, not a can't-keep-our-hands-off-each-other kind. I'm back now, though. Even if she's been avoiding me all day, only coming into the room to get Brooke. I don't care what she says about her parents, she should have told me something was going to happen and that Brooke wouldn't see her grandparents again. It's hitting me hard. I'm tired of this. Maybe I should go into retirement soon._

_My Brooke is, without doubt, the most amazing thing in the universe next to River. I love them both. It's just hard right now. I want her to grow up with loving parents, not ones that avoid each other. The argument will eventually pass, I know. But Time Lords have remarkable memories, and I don't doubt she'll be able to remember these days when she's older. I've got to take a break. With or without Brooke. I don't know, but I need somewhere to grieve. River needs somewhere to grieve._

_'Showing the damage'. I'm tired of that. She's not perfect, and she's vulnerable. I understand that. Her not letting me in isn't working so well with me. I'm her husband, whether she likes it or not. I'm Brooke's father. And I just want to help her. If she won't let me in, how am I supposed to let her in? This doesn't make sense. I don't get her logic._

The Doctor shut his diary and set down his pen.

She was so confusing. Why did she have to act like that?

In the corner, Brooke woke up from her nap and started crying. He stood up and walked above her crib. "It's all right. You're okay. You hungry?"

Brooke made a noise of agreement.

"I've got her."

The Doctor jumped at the sound of River's voice, and turned around. "Okay."

He watched awkwardly from the side as River picked her up and sat down in the rocking chair, then started to feed her.

"Are we going to talk about this or not?" He finally asked. "Talk about what." She said, not making it sound much like a question.

"This entire time you've been pregnant and had Brooke, you knew what was going to happen to your parents. They're gone now, River." At her sharp intake of breath he continued, "and I'm tired of you hiding the damage. I'm tired of you avoiding me just in case I say something."

She didn't reply for a moment, just watched her daughter eat. "We've been over this. You know I couldn't tell you. You know how this works."

He frowned and put his hands to his temples. "Well, fine. Sure. Let's just forget about you not telling me for now. But 'hiding the damage'? Avoiding me? That's something we need to talk about."

River still didn't meet his eyes. "You've got to grieve. You should. There's no reason to worry about me, I'm fine."

"Don't say that, River. I know what that means. Is it so bad for me to want you to be vulnerable around me? I know you, I get you. I get it. And it would be so much easier for me if you wouldn't bottle everything up."

She stayed silent for a good minute this time before replying. "I'm fine."

He let out a frustrated noise through his nose. "Okay. Sure. Whatever. You want to do it that way, we'll do it that way. You don't want me to help you. Just because you're afraid I can't handle it. I'll tell you what, River." He walked over to her, and knelt down to look her in the eyes, though her head was still down. "I'll leave you alone. Maybe visit Victorian London. I'm sorry you feel like you can't show yourself to me. I can bring Brooke for a little while, too. Let you have a break. Maybe for a day or two. Then I'll come back, and maybe we'll both have cooled off."

River finally lifted her head to meet his eyes. He almost gasped aloud when he saw the tear streaks running down her cheeks. "No, I'll keep Brooke. She's got to eat. We can stay at Mum and Dad's house while you go." She told him, and pulled her daughter away from her and fixed her shirt.

The Doctor brought a hand to her cheek and brushed his thumb across. "I'm sorry I'm so rubbish."

She managed a weak smile and leaned in to press a chaste kiss to his lips. "I get it, it's fine. You're going to have to help me get some of her clothes together."

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

-45 minutes later-

"Are you sure that's enough clothes? Does she need any more diapers? I can bring her cot from her room on the TARDIS." He said quickly, lugging the large bag up the stairs.

"If you manage to land her a couple days from now, she won't need any more. I don't think the TARDIS will let you mess up, though."

He sat the bag down in the guest room with a huff. "I'll be back on time, I promise. I wouldn't leave you, and you know it."

She nodded, and he barely caught the glint of sadness in her eyes. He bit his lip and looked down at his 3-week old. "Bye, Brooke. Daddy'll be right back, I promise." He leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.

"River, I swear, I'll be here soon. I promise." She let a ghost of a smile come to her lips, and he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her into a long, lingering kiss.

"I love you." He whispered, and pressed his lips to hers once more before turning and going back into the TARDIS.

River sighed and sat down. "I love you, too."

_February 19, 1843. 5:02 PM_

_I left them. Not for long, obviously. I'm coming back soon. But I need time to think. By myself. It can be the start of my retirement. Amy and Rory were my best friends, and I've got to grieve. I'm tired of saving the universe. Let someone else do it. For now, I've got a cloud above everything that the TARDIS is parked on. I've changed the desktop and it reflects my mood much better now-cold and gloomy. I'll stay for maybe a week. Maybe two. I'm not sure._

_March 6, 1843. 4:36 AM_

_Maybe I've been away for too long. I miss them. Vastra's in this era as well, apparently, and won't stop bugging me about this and that. I don't understand why they can't get it. All I can do is wallow in my own self-pity. Yes, I admit it. The Ponds are gone. My wife will be gone. I haven't thought up any way to save her yet. The Tesselecta won't work. I'm certainly not downloading her onto the TARDIS. The only thing I've thought of is using the Flesh, but I'll still be using River's memory space. It may not be her brain, but it will go straight to the real River._

_I need someone._

_December 25, 1843 2:21 AM_

_I met someone. I wasn't planning on a companion, but it happened anyway. Her name was Clara Oswin Oswald. She died today._

_I've met her before, though. At the Dalek Asylum. The voice was the same, the last name is the same. The difference is that she died then too. What is she? That's what I've been trying to figure out. Maybe I am avoiding River. I miss her, yes. But I want to save my days with her. I need to save them for the times I need them the most. I was thinking about Kazran. That's what his problem was. He hoarded his love's days and didn't use the last until he was old, too old. Is that what I'm doing? Yes. Except I feel guilty. She's not just my love. She's my wife. She's the mother of my daughter. I think I'm going to go see her soon. It's been 10 months, and there's nothing I want to do more than find her and hold her in my arms._

_I've had a lot of time to think about it. She's right. She couldn't have told me what would happen to her parents. But there is absolutely no reason I can think of that she should hide her grief, hide her vulnerability. I don't know when I'll go back. When I find what's happened with this Clara, certainly. I'm not sure I have the strength to do anything before that. I know River's going to slip through my fingers soon. One day soon, I will have to go to Darillium with her. Do I want to?_

_I'd rather regenerate from getting cut up in a blender._

_I may be selfish to hold her days in my hands. Okay, I am selfish. If I go back, then I won't leave. And if I won't leave, her days will slip away too fast. Her life will fade. She knows my fears about this. But I have a hard time believing she'll tell me to leave. That she'd take me away from Brooke's childhood._

_I'm running away from my own family. The first time, I couldn't be happier. The second time, I feel so guilty I'm drowning myself in anything else I can fine._


	2. Chapter 2

_Cumbria. November 23, 1207. 6:28 PM._

_Been thinking on Clara. Even became a monk! Not my best ensemble, I must admit. I look strange. River would probably burn the cloak I'm wearing._

_Clara has died twice. Confusing. She's the exact same person. Looks the same, acts the same. Has the same personality, really. Who is she?_

_London. July 26, 2013. 7:49 PM._

_Well, I found her. Strange way, of course. I was in the year 1207, and she called me from 2013! Don't know how. Said a woman in the shop gave her the number._

_I'm bringing her on maybe one adventure today. Then I've got to go to my wife. Put her room on the TARDIS in a time-lock, maybe?_

_8:13 PM_

_Change of plans. She said to come back Wednesday. I guess I won't need a time-lock. For now, I've got to go back to family. Hopefully she won't be able to tell I was gone longer than a couple days._

The Doctor rubbed his temples slowly. This girl, Clara, was getting confusing. What was she? How was she dying so many times?

He stood up slowly and flipped a few levers, finally making the trip he'd been running away from for a while now. He was sure to chart it only a couple days after.

When he heard it land, he straightened his bowtie, checked himself in the mirror, and walked out the door.

River wasn't waiting right in front of him like he'd thought she'd be. But he could hear her voice, and it reminded him of how stupid he was for staying away for so long.

"Come on, Brooke. You can do it. Just lift that little head. You're a strong girl." She cooed. He looked at his surroundings. The guest room. They were in the lounge, maybe?

He walked to her voice, hearts thundering dangerously in his chest as the proximity of the woman he'd been avoiding for over a year grew closer.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw her. Her back was to him, and she was wearing shorts and a tank top. It wasn't really a River-ish outfit.

She stilled immediately when she felt his gaze on her.

"You came back." It was barely more than a whisper, but he heard it, and his shoulders sagged. "Of course I did. You really think I'd leave you alone?"

She didn't respond, and he saw that she was nuzzling Brooke's chin with her finger.

He approached her from behind, and knelt down behind her. She shivered at his breath on her neck.

"It should've only been a couple of days. How long?" He questioned.

"Just four. We were fine."

He planted a kiss to his wife's cheek and went to sit cross-legged beside her, gazing at Brooke. His lips tingled from the contact, and he couldn't help the smile that bloomed across his face. In a moment he broke the silence,

"I think I'm better now."

She nodded. He decided not to push her yet, and picked his baby girl off the pallet. "Hey, baby. Daddy's back." He kissed her forehead, and she stretches out and yawns.

_Will Daddy stay?_

He weaves a finger into her hands. _Of course he will. Daddy loves you very much._

_Milky's sad._

He glanced over at his wife, who was still refusing to meet his eyes.

_Daddy can fix it. Go to sleep._

Brooke's eyes closed, and her breathing became even.

"Do you want me to put her in the crib on the TARDIS, or- or wherever she's been sleeping?"

River cracked a smile and motioned to the TARDIS. "She needs to sleep in her room, don't you think?"

He nodded and stood up carefully, then walked into her room on his ship and laid her down.

When he walked back out, River was still in the lounge, back leaned against the foot of the couch.

The Doctor silently went over and sat down beside her, taking her hand in his.

"How long's it been?" She asked.

He swallowed, and guiltily looked to the floor. "A while."

"And how much longer than a couple days is 'a while'?"

He squeezed her hand gently and rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in the scent of her finally in front of him. "A bit." He finally answered.

She harrumphed. "Okay."

He looked over at her, just staring at their intertwined hands. Her breathing sounded remarkably normal, and he could tell she was doing it on purpose.

After a minute, he just couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed her chin, turned her head to look at him, and crushed his lips onto hers.

The familiarity of her made him sigh contentedly, and he rubbed her back soothingly as they kissed. It had been over a year, and she was the same. She was perfect, she was here, and she was his wife.

He only pulled away to start peppering little kisses along her jaw. To his surprise, he was shoved away.

The Doctor opened his eyes, and saw a suspicious look in her eyes. "You're acting like a starving dog, sweetie. I'll ask you again. How long have you been gone?"

He bit his lip. "Over a month." Hey, it wasn't a lie.

"How much over a month?"

Dammit. Of course she'd catch that.

"A few months."

"Has it been over a year?"

His guilty look at her must have confirmed her suspicions, because her hand landed across his face with a resounding _**smack!**_

He rubbed his cheek. "I deserved that."

"You've been alone for over a year?!"

_Of course. Not even angry that I left her for that long. She's worried whether or not I've been okay._

"No, actually. There's this girl I met, Clara." He paused when he noticed a glint of recognition. "She said she'd come on Wednesdays."

There was another hard look on her face, and she slapped him again.

Ouch.

He rubbed the other side of his cheek. "Don't know what that was for."

"You were on a cloud for over a year after this?! I thought that was... seriously? You were wallowing in your own self-pity, am I right?"

"I'm sorry." He tried.

"You don't have to apologize to me. That has nothing to do with me. It's dangerous when you're alone, and you know it. Mum knew it."

He gulped, and her expression softened. "Okay. I shouldn't have slapped you. But you should know better." She scooted closer to him, and pressed her back to his chest. "Don't ever do that again."

The Doctor couldn't help but smile, and wrapped an arm around her. "Alright."

She curled her head into his chest, and the Doctor slept peacefully for the first time in over a year.

  _February 24, 2013. 10:26 AM_

_I finally came back yesterday. Good thing, too. Going on without River is like.... I don't know. It's like being a drug addict and going without it for a long time. Which is a terrible comparison, because drugs kill brain cells, and River doesn't really do that. Well, when she's fully clothed, anyway._

_In any case, I'm glad I did. I went without my baby girl for a year, too. That's something I should have never done. I feel so... I'm not sure. I love her to pieces. It's been a while since I was a father, of course, and I'm a little out of practice, but it's all coming back to me._

_I slept nicely last night. Well, actually, I woke up on the floor and carried River to our bedroom on the TARDIS. But I slept well after that. Well, actually, I had to get Brooke when she was crying and hand her over to River several times. Fine, okay, while I was sleeping I was good. That's a better description. This morning, I moved Brooke from our bed and into her cot into the next room. My wife and I.... let's just say that we had a very pleasurable morning which involved our bed._

_Next step with River: getting her to admit that it's fine to show weakness around me and continue working with her hat tolerance._

_Next step with Brooke: rolling over and getting her to stop talking back._


	3. Chapter 3

_February 24, 2013.  9:12 PM_

_Today wasn't that eventful, surprisingly. Took both of them to the planet Barcelona. I feel bad for those dogs. River let Brooke use them as target practice. Only with a BB gun, she keeps saying, so it's no big deal, but still. And technically Brooke only hit one._

_The King wasn't too happy about it, but he just let us go as soon as he laid eyes on my daughter. Took all the fun right out of it! No escaping, no running, no nothing! Just a glance at Brooke, and they're overcome by cuteness. Okay, she **is** adorable. And beautiful. But still.... I think she'd enjoy the running. Even if River's carrying her while she runs._

The Doctor sat down his pen and yawned.

 _I wanna eat! Let me eat, Milky!_ Brooke shouted telepathically.

"Go get me a pacifier, will you?" River asked him, brushing back her daughter's hair.

"Where are those?"

"Ask the Old Girl to materialize one. We picked one up at Walmart, I'm sure."

"Okay." He stood up and went to the control room, and eventually discovered a blue one under the console.

He went back into the room and handed it over. "Here you go."

"Thanks." River stuck in her mouth, but Brooke spit it out.

"Hey! Just take it! What's wrong with it?"

_I can tell the difference. It's obviously rubber._

River groaned. "I'm tired. Can't you drink out of a bottle or something while you go to sleep?"

The baby's eyes opened, and darted around.

_Can Daddy feed me?_

His face flushed. "No! Only Mummy can do that."

"Lucky Dalek." River grumbled under her breath.

"Want me to make her a bottle?" The Doctor asked, stroking her face.

She peered down at the child, who's face resembled her father's pout. "Yeah. Go ahead." He nodded and walked out.

_Mum! Those are weird! Please, let me eat._

River grinned. "You called me mum!"

_Milky. Whatever._

"Too late now. It's mum."

Brooke started crying.

_Please, Mum! Please! I don't want to!_

"Look, I'm tired. And sore. All I want you to do is drink out a bottle. Just one time, alright?"

Her daughter sniffled, but quieted down. "And I want you to call me mum."

_Okay._

River was smiling when the Doctor came back in the room. "What is it?" He asked as he handed the bottle over.

"She's calling me mum now."

"Oh, that's great!." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads. "Goodnight, Brooke. I'm going to take a quick shower, alright?"

_Night, daddy._

He grinned and went into the bathroom. By the time he got out, Brooke was in her room and River was reading a book on their bed.

"Hey." He plopped down beside her.

"Mmhmm." She murmured, focusing on the page. He huffed, annoyed, and slid under the covers.

He got impatient after a few seconds, and slid his hand on her knee. "River..."

"What?"

He shifted, and propped himself up on his elbow. "We should talk."

"We aren't kids, sweetie. We sleep in the same room. This isn't a slumber party."

The Doctor rolled his eyes. "I know. But... what you said." He paused. "In Manhattan." He added. "Did you mean it?"

She looked up from her book and closed it. "Did I mean what?"

"You don't really... I mean, you know it's okay. You don't have to hide anything from me."

She stiffened. "Sure."

He frowned at her as she slid in next to him. "No, I mean it, River. You're a person. You're gonna have fears, and you're gonna be weak sometimes. I can handle that."

She went closer to him and curled her hand against his bare chest. "Just sleep, my love."

"Stop it."

She blinked at the harshness and tone of his words. "What?"

"I said stop it. You lost your parents. It matters to me, and it certainly matters to you. Stop hiding everything. I don't want you to hide the damage. I know River Song isn't invincible. I want all of you. Not just the superhero part." He cupped her cheek gently. "Okay? I want you to be able to talk to me."

She swallowed, and chose her words carefully. "Yes, it matters. I'm just good at handling it. I'm fine, I really am."

The Doctor sighed. "Fine? Are you really, River?"

She bit her lip and tugged her face away from his hands, instead burrowing into his arms.

"No." The word ghosted across his chest.

His hearts skipped beats. She had given in a lot easier than he'd expected.

"That's okay." He finally whispered back. "I'm right here."

She let out a small whimper she didn't know she'd been suppressing, and he pulled her tighter to him.

"I'm sorry." He told her hair. She didn't respond, but let her tears flow silently. "I really... I'm glad they're together." He added. "They deserved that, in the end. To be together."

She nodded.

"You did the right thing, not telling me about them before. We couldn't have done anything."

"Yeah."

"Hey, it's alright. And I don't know if you knew this, but you've got a brother."

Her eyes shot open, and she immediately sat up. "Oh my God! Mum got pregnant!?" 

He smiled, but shook his head. "No. They adopted this boy named Anthony."

She smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips. "Oh, wow. They finally got the child they wanted, eh?"

"Hey, they had you!"

She shook her head, and a sad look glinted off her eyes. "Not really, honey. I was always more of a best friend. Maybe not completely to Dad. He was sort of fatherly when we were kids. But with Mum, it was different. We grew up together, told each other everything. It was different."

He was silent for a moment. She was right.

"We can go visit Anthony, yeah? Maybe tomorrow. How's that sound? I bet he even knows how to use a sword! Rory'd never teach me. Always said I'd cut somebody on accident. But your brother'll show me!"  

She let the edges of her mouth quirk up. "Honey, I can use a sword. He taught me."

The Doctor beamed. "Really? Then you can teach me!"

"I'm never letting you near anything sharp again. Remember the balloon parade on Resikli?"

He sighed. "Fine. Then I'll ask him how to do nurse-y stuff or something."

 "Nurse-y?"

"Whatever." He slid his hand down her back. "Say, we've started to make up now..." He paused to slide it lower. "Want to finish?"

River arched an eyebrow, but nonetheless rolled him over and kissed that stupid smirk off his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, everyone. I just wanted to inform you that I'm going to start doing a jumping jack for every kudos and comment I get. (Hey, do it and you keep me exercising!) So yep. I'm doing this on both works in this series... I think I'm going to regret it.


	4. Chapter 4

_February 25, 2013. 1:2_ 5 AM. The TARDIS.

_I know what this diary would be thinking if it were sentient-what the hell am I doing up at 1:25 in the morning? That's a question I'm starting to wonder myself. I've been trying to make River comfortable, and do as much as I can since I left. That includes getting up at crazy hours of the morning whenever Brooke starts screaming to eat. I don't feed her, of course. But I have to get out of bed to get her and bring her to her mother. River just sort of shoves me awake, and I get the baby, lay her down in the bed, and River feeds her while she's asleep. Seriously. Neither of them are even awake while she's eating, and I've got to get up!_

_Brooke's been doing well, though. She usually wakes up about midnight. Maybe soon enough she'll be able to wait until morning to get out of bed...._

_I've got to put her back in her cot now; I think she's done. And I'm going to sleep in. Something I never do. Being a father is exhausting! Usually I don't need sleep for months at a time...._

-8:00 AM-

"Mummy's singing you something like a lull-a-by, and if you don't shut up, she'll cry. So plee-ease shut up, 'cause mummy's tir-ed." 

The Doctor groggily opened his eyes to his wife singing-well, that was an overstatement. Talking with a beat, more like-and Brooke sniffling.

"Mummy wants to go back to bed, and if you don't hush I'll have your head."

"Nice song, dear."

River huffed and turned around. "She woke me up thinking about hats. This is your fault."

"How is it my fault?!"

"I've been in your mind, sweetie." She accused. "I've seen your thoughts on hats."

He frowned. "Fine. I'll put her to sleep. You lay back down."

"I can't-Brooke wants me."

He raised an eyebrow. "Wants you?" At her nod he continued, "I think you're starting to spoil your daughter."

"I am not! She wants her mum. What's wrong with that?"

The Doctor groaned and fell back onto the bed. "Sure. You know, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of her too."

"Women have natural instincts on how to take care of the young. I don't doubt that you're a good father, I'm just- I don't know, I want to take care of my baby girl."

River sat down on the bed, patting Brooke's back soothingly and whispering in Gallifreyan. Eventually, the child quieted. She smiled and showed her to her husband. "See?"

He smiled, amused. "When did she wake you up this morning?"

"About 5 o'clock."

A mischevious look went to his eyes. "What hat was she talking about, exactly?"

River rolled her eyes and left the room, probably going to Brooke's. He snuggled back under the covers. When she got back, he pulled her snug against him and went back to sleep.

-10:00 AM-

_GET UP! GET UP! GET UP!_

River woke with a start and glanced around, then realized Brooke was just talking to her telepathically. The Doctor woke, too, also looking around the room.

"Well," He began, scratching the back of his head and yawning. "It appears we have an alarm clock. It's exactly 11 AM."

"10." River corrected, and pushed the covers off to climb out of bed. "No it's not!" He denied, then stuck his tongue out. "On second thought... let's compromise. 10:30."

She sighed. "What is it, Brooke? What now?"

_I want up! Why are you asleep? Up! Up!_

She groaned. "Come on, sweetie. Mummy and Daddy are tired, and they want to sleep. You kept waking us up."

_No, mummy. We need to go!_

"Why?"

_I'm bored._

River shot a look to her husband, who shrugged sheepishly. "Sorry. When we're bored, we're bored. Guess she didn't get your patience."

River snorted at that, and went to pick Brooke up. "Alright, darling." She bounced the child as the Doctor got out of bed.

"Want to go see your brother now?" He questioned her, throwing the sheets haphazardly back on the bed.

"Yeah, let's do that. You can go pick her out an outfit while I get dressed."

His brow furrowed. "But... I've got to get dressed too."

"Unless you really want me to wear something modest and a high neckline, I suggest you do as I say."

He grinned and got Brooke out of her arms. If his fingers lingered slightly on her chest, she didn't complain.

"Come on, love. Let's go see what we can find, yeah?"

Brooke gurgled back.

"Oh, yes. I'm sure we can work out a hat arrangement." He told her as he left the room, sparing a moment to beam at River behind him.

\---------------

"No.... that one's a little weird. What about one like Daddy's?" He picked up a small top hat and placed it on her head. She swiped it off.

"Okay.... what about..." His eyes darted around the room, "ah! A sombrero!" He grabbed the article in question and handed it to her. She threw it on the floor.

He sighed. "Fine. Fedora it is." The Doctor reached over and picked a small black-and-white one up, then gave it to her.

_Put it on._

He frowned and snatched it from her. "You know, I wouldn't mind a please."

_Please._

"Fine." He placed it on her curls, then tugged it down a bit. "There. Doesn't look as good as a fez, but hey. Maybe mummy won't shoot yours."

\--------------

"River, Brooke picked her outfit out. Her hat choice isn't amazing, but-"

He stopped in his tracks when he walked into the doorway and looked her over. "Well, you- that looks nice. Do you really have to dress up so much?" 

She shrugged and smiled as she put another earring in. "Dear, you know me. I'll dress up for anything."

"Well, you look-" He paused, "-pretty."

"Thanks, honey." She stood up from the chair and walked over to him. "Brooke looks adorable. You're a mummy's girl, aren't you?" She cooed gently, and took her out of  his arms. "Go get dressed." She told her husband, who rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. "Fine, fine."

"You're such a beautiful little girl, yes you are!" She told her daughter. The Doctor poked his head out the door. "Someone's going soft."

"Get dressed. I can compliment her if I want to."

He smirked, but nonetheless went back in.

Brooke grabbed one of her mother's curls and tugged on it.  _Can I have your hair?_

"No, it's mine. You've got hair like mummy's, see? Yours is just brown."

Brooke dropped River's hair and grabbed her own.  _I like yours better._

"So does your father." River chuckled.

_Mummy, can we go see Grandad and Grandma? I wanna see them._

River stiffened. She hadn't considered that Brooke would be able to remember them. Which, she had known them the first few weeks of her life. They were constantly there, changing diapers, burping, playing with her. They had been reluctant to go to Manhattan and leave them. But they had eventually. They all needed a quick break. She didn't blame them for it, either.

"We're gonna go see mummy's brother, how about that?"

Brooke seemed to be satisfied with that answer, and went back to playing with her hair.

"Okay, how do I look?"  The Doctor's voice suddenly said. River looked up at her husband, and rolled her eyes. "Fine, sweetie. Can we go already?"

He danced around her and bopped her nose. "Patience, Professor Song."

"I'll 'patience' your arse in a minute."

"Fine, let's go." He bounded out the door. River rolled her eyes and followed at a brisk pace.

"Hey, I just got a great idea!" He called through the corridor. "I can teach Brooke how to fly her there!"

"The only one teaching her how to fly will be the TARDIS." River replied, speeding up a little to catch up with her literally bouncing husband.

"But River!" He protested as they entered the control room. "I'm perfectly good at it! I taught you a lot about flying!"

"No, you fed me wrong information while the TARDIS corrected you in my head."

He frowned. "Well, I can still teach her." The Doctor reached over and got Brooke. "Wanna see how to fly a TARDIS?" He cooed.

He carried her down the stairs and reached over to a lever. "Now, this is the brake. Mummy likes to leave it off, but we-" Before he could finish his sentence, a few levers flipped by themselves and the middle of the TARDIS began moving up and down-silently.

His mouth opened, then shut, then turned into a scowl. "Always picking favorites." He grumbled to a smirking River.

"Mhm. Why don't you check and see where we are?" He nodded and walked to the scanner, still mumbling under his breath.

"London. It looks like-" he paused and swallowed, all playfullness gone. "it's Amy and Rory's house. 2014. I guess he moved there."

River's eyes widened. "Well, I suppose Brooke and I find a different temporary home."

She approached the doors slowly, and he stood still with Brooke in his arms. "Here goes nothing."

She opened the door.


	5. Chapter 5

It looked the same as it did when they left. The TARDIS blue door, the flower bed, even the door knocker that the Doctor had modified. The only difference was the car in the yard.

River shifted Brooke on her hip and walked to the door, the Doctor on her heels. They were uncharacteristically silent, and Brooke's gurgling was the only voice heard.

The Doctor knocked on the door.

It was a moment before anyone answered, but eventually the door opened, and a man stepped out. He had black hair and smiling green eyes, which widened as soon as he recognized them. 

"Oh. My. God." He stuttered, leaning on the door frame. "You're- you're- Oh my God." He repeated. "Come inside, come in." He immediately backed up and motioned.

"It's yours anyway."

River smiled her thanks and walked in. "Not really. It was Mum and Dad's. He just gave it to them."

"I meant yours." Anthony said quietly, shutting the door behind them. River quirked an eyebrow, but nevertheless walked into the lounge and sat. The Doctor followed, placing Brooke on the floor next to a toy of hers that was still set up in the corner from the year before. Anthony, he noticed, hadn't taken it down. She batted at the small rattle hanging down and Anthony sat across from them, taking a deep breath.

He was quiet for a long moment, and River was about to ask if she could go make tea or something when he finally spoke.

"They- they told me all about you." He admitted. "Every night they'd tell me a story with you in it. They always considered you a part of the family, even if they didn't show it as much. Dad-" He chuckled at that. "Dad would always talk about the amazing things you did. Mum did a lot more, obviously, but it was a big deal with Dad because he never did that with anyone else, not really. Mum used to tell me about how she met you when she was little. That was my favorite story." He smiled. "And then they'd say how they were proud to know you, how they wished I'd have met you.  How you were one of the best people in the universe, even if you didn't always believe it.

"And Dad used to say that you were one of the fastest eaters he'd ever known. I guess that surprised me a bit. He was...." Anthony paused. "He wished he could have told you goodbye. At least Mum did, but he was just gone. Straight to the early 20th century from the early 21st.

"One of the... stories, I guess, they told me about you was how they went to some planet with you, and how that queen wanted to marry you, but you said no because you were married. I always thought that was good on you.

"And they said," He began, biting his lip, "they said that they couldn't be more happy to have had you, and that they don't regret a thing. That even though they didn't get to raise you, you were their daughter. And that if I ever met you, they said to-" He reached over and got River's hand. "they said to tell you they loved you."

Her eyes widened in surprise, and she reached up to brush at her eyes. "I'm guessing you know who I am, then." She tried, a watery laugh coming out.

Anthony smiled. "Of course I do. Melody Pond. My sister."

"I go by River now."

He shook his head and squeezed her hand. "Nah. I think I'd rather call you Mels, if that's alright."

\-----------

"Okay, here you go." Anthony said, setting two cups in front of them. "One with more sugar than tea, and one with half as much sugar as tea."

River got hers and grinned. "I'm guessing Mum also told you about my sweet tooth."

"That she did." He took a sip of his Coke. "And about your hair. I never did understand the way she described it. 'Kind of like a lion's hair, except really curly and soft and smells like petrichor.' I do get that now."

The Doctor snorted and buried his own face in her hair. "I think it's more like.... like a Ratofian's tail." She shot him a glare. "Hey, a  _clean_ Ratofian's tail. That smells like petrichor."

"Idiot." She chided, but nonetheless sipped her tea. "So, Anthony. You've got an American accent. Southern, if I'm not mistaken."

He nodded. "Yep. New York was too expensive to live in, so Mum said we should move to Louisiana. We did, and everything turned out great."

"Ah. Got yourself a girl or anything?" The Doctor questioned. Anthony's face brightened. "Yeah, actually. A wife. She's amazing. And should be home soon." He checked his watch. "She moved over here with me from Louisiana. Not very happy about the gun regulations or taxes, but hey. And she was the only one that didn't think I was crazy back home."

River grinned. "Runs in the family, I suppose. People thinking you're crazy."

He snorted. "Tell me about it. Mum because of him, Dad because he was so in love with Mum, you because you're-" He gestured, "You, and my brother-in-law because he's-" He gestured again, "him."

"Oi! River doesn't think I'm crazy!"

"Well...."

"River!" He admonished. "I'm mostly sane!"

She swatted his chest. "Says the one who told my mother he was mad the night she ran away with him."

"That was a joke.

 

 

 "You tell yourself that, sweetie." She pressed a kiss to his lips. "You tell yourself that."

The Doctor grumbled but still slipped an arm around her waist. "Insufferable woman."

"And you still love me." She reminded. "Just because you're a great kisser." He teased. "You won't be sleeping in the same bed as the 'great kisser' if you don't shut up." River warned.

"As if you could resist me that long."

"It's the other way around, honey." 

"We could always test that."

"Or we could call it a truce and say neither of us can resist the other."

"Fine, as long as you add 'when you're shirtless'." She replied with a smirk.

"Okay, okay, okay!" Anthony said from the side, face slightly twisted. "You really do flirt all the time, now I know."

The Doctor tilted his head to the side. "That we do."

They talked for a few more minutes, mostly sharing embarrassing stories about Amy and Rory, when a car pulled up into the yard. The Doctor glanced outside to watch the tall ginger (ginger!) woman get out of the car and walk up to the door.

Keys jingled in the lock, and they heard footsteps. "Anthony! I've got some-" She stopped in her tracks when she saw them. "Oh. My. God." She immediately put down her bag of groceries and rushed over. "You're- you're his sister." She said, pointing to River. "Yes."

"And you're his mum and dad's best friend." She pointed to the Doctor. "Yes."

"Well, I'm not crazy for believing their stories." She said. "That's a relief."

The rest of the evening went quite smoothly. Brooke woke up, to the delight of her uncle and aunt, and they played with her until she fell asleep with exhaustion at the end of the day.

Georgia, his wife, picked her up off the small pallet on the floor and soothingly patted her back. "I can lay her down in that cot." She offered. "We didn't moved it, since we knew you'd been here."

"That'd be great, thanks." The Doctor said.

She did, and then came back into the room with a bottle of wine and three glasses. She sat them down on the table, poured the liquid into the glasses, and handed one to River and Anthony.

"Where's miine?" The Doctor asked.

Georgia smiled. "I heard all about you spitting out alcohol, too. You ain't getting a chance to ruin our new rug."

The Doctor grumbled under his breath. "Fine then."

They all giggled and toasted to Brooke, with the Doctor as an exception.

"You'll be spending the night here, right?" Georgia questioned at about 11 PM.

"If it isn't too much trouble." The Doctor said.

"Of course not! Besides, it's really River's in the first place."

"So long as," Anthony said, taking a sip of wine, "you keep it PG in your room. I'd like to sleep all night."

The Doctor blushed and River laughed. "Hey, tell that to him!"

"Me?!" The Doctor asked indignately. "You're the one that can't keep her hands to herself!"

"I can name off at least 20 times that prove otherwise."

Face still red, the Doctor turned back to Anthony.

"It'll be G rated." He promised.

_February 25, 2013. 11:39 PM. Amy and Rory's house.  
_

_Anthony's a good bloke. I can see little habits he picked up from Amy and Rory all over the place. He's got a precision that reminds me of his dad, and he's got quick reflexes. (I know that because I knocked down a vase and he somehow caught it). His choice in a woman..... come on. They always say to get a wife like your mother, I know, and he did that well. She's different, of course, since she doesn't have a Scottish temper or a problem with drinking (she only drank three glasses, whereas Amy would have consumed at least six). But still, I can see it a little. It's so very human._

_River really enjoyed the night. I think hearing about Amy and Rory's feelings toward her helped. She's just a little bit brighter than she was this morning. Unfortunately, her and Georgia are very dangerous together. They were both slightly tipsy (River had at least one bottle), and jabbed at my clothing choices all night. Not only that, they were happily comparing revolvers._

_Brooke was amazing. She really likes her aunt and uncle. I think we'll be spending a lot more time with these people over the years._

_Well, I say amazing... she's screaming about how hungry she is at the moment, and River's punching my thigh. Which is painful._

_Anyway, got to get my daughter._


	6. Chapter 6

It wasn't G rated. Or PG, for that matter.

No, more like PG-13. But not R. And, surprisingly enough, that was the Doctor's fault.

"Stop, honey." River mumbled, swatting at his arm. "I'm bored." He huffed. "And your bum is very nice. Have I ever told you that?" He wondered aloud.

She groaned and slapped his arm again. "Hands. Off."

He relented and let them splay across her back instead. "River, I've gotten plenty of sleep the last few days. I really don't need any more. I don't see how you  _do!"_ She cracked an eye open. "Sweetie, I swear, if you don't shut up, I'm going to duct tape your mouth shut and tie you on the floor while I sleep."

His mouth promptly closed. He knew she wasn't bluffing because she'd done it before.

So he very unceremoniously threw the covers off and pulled out of River's embrace. "Where do you think you're going?" She asked, eyes opening at the loss of heat.

He pulled his trousers on. "I told you, I'm quite bored. I've got to do  _something_."

She sat up, propping her head up with her elbow. "And since I won't let you grope me in my brother's house, you're leaving to go where?"

His face reddened. "I wasn't....  _groping_ you." She rolled her eyes. "Not yet, no. Now where are you going?"

"I..... maybe Akhaten." He replied, slipping his button-up on and beginning to fasten them. "You're going to the girl, then." River said calmly, getting out of the bed and stilling his hands to take over them.

"Well.... now that you mention it, it's not such a bad idea." He mumbled. She smiled softly at his uncertainty and continued to push another button through, pressing a kiss to his chest before she covered it. "What, you think I'm jealous?" She asked, helping into the vest. He scratched the back of his head. "Well, it's just that..." he fumbled, running his fingers through his hair, "she may or may not have snogged me at some point."

River's eyebrows shot up and she ducked her head to hide the corners of her lips quirking. "Oh, did she now?"

He gulped as she straightened his collar. "Yes?"

"Well," River said, looping his bowtie around his neck, "you'll have to wear one of our wedding rings, won't you?" She began tying it. "What do you mean? Are all my bowties our wedding rings?" He asked, watching her do it.

"Oh yes. This-" She put her hand up to his face and traced the Gallifreyan word for 'mine'. He chuckled. "Okay, works by me." He bit his lip. "But what if, you know, for some crazy reason, my next regeneration doesn't like bowties?"

River kissed his cheek and tied the knot, then smoothed it out. "Hm. If it doesn't like bowties, he might not like me." She was teasing, but there was an underlying tone there that made his gut twist.

The Doctor scoffed. "Ridiculous. Of course he will. I always will. Maybe I'll get a real wedding ring if I don't like bowties."

"Now, if you aren't back by tomorrow morning, I'll be very unhappy. If you get killed, I'll be very unhappy. So don't get killed, and get here back on time. Got it?"

He bopped her nose. "Got it."

She kissed his lips quickly and shoved his shoulder. "Go on, old man."

He giggled and leaned over Brooke's cot to press his lips to her forehead. "Daddy'll be right back." He promised, and hugged his wife again, only to pull away with of sadness on his face. "But you can't... you won't sleep." He remembered aloud. River shrugged. "It's four o'clock in the morning. I'll be fine. I've had plenty of sleep the last few days, anyway."

"Or maybe I should stay."

"You go right now and show that girl Akhaten. Now."

He bit his lip, but nodded and left to find Clara. 

\--------

It'd been fun. Thankfully, Clara hadn't noticed the pacifier on the floor or the toy set up in the corner of the room. That would be interesting to explain.

But they'd helped, and that was what mattered.

However, the planet, the one that had started to take his memories, just brought the Library back to the front of his mind.

His mind wasn't like humans. He actually had his memories in different places, all stored away, some conscious and some unconscious. It was a lot more organized. River's wasn't exactly like that, but she still had a remarkable mind.

It was difficult to put the Library back once it was in the front.

So he'd dropped Clara off and immediately start researching all the ways he could save her. The Tesselecta was the first that came to mind, but he dismissed it immediately. What River had wired up to her head that moment was something designed for the brain's memory space. Then there was the Flesh. He would have to send in a doppleganger River to meet her team and his younger self. Then he could upload the copy. There were flaws in that, too. It was still be one of his Rivers, and one of her would still be inside a computer. Some people would have jumped at the opportunity to live forever inside a mainframe with all the books ever written. River wasn't one of them.

She valued death. She liked being in control of that aspect. She'd never told him, but the nightmares of her with that spacesuit  _forcing_ her to stay alive and kill him woke her often. She'd tried to end her own life so she wouldn't end his, but she wasn't in control.

River liked control in general. She didn't have it when she was younger, not really. When she lost control, the only person she'd share it with was him. But younger him wasn't really him, and he certainly wasn't in the mainframe. Which led to another idea- could he get into the mainframe? Maybe. He had a very good idea of how to do it, and it made sense. But then he'd be leaving her to raise their child alone.

No, the only idea that made sense was to get her out of the mainframe once she got in. So that's what he'd have to do.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his hair and adjusted the scanner. "River, River, River." He mumbled. "How do I save you?"

 Then the TARDIS scanner dinged. 

He walked over to it, and an image popped up. Well, a video. It was of the day he'd left River at Amy and Rory's house to take care of Brooke by herself.

As he watched, he noted how well she was doing. She fed the baby in the morning, ate in the morning, then manufactured a stroller and left the house. She got back an hour later, and he could tell by the little tufts of grass caught on the wheels she'd been to the park. Then she played with Brooke, fed her again, and rocked her to sleep.

Then she came back into the lounge and took the stroller apart, putting everything where it belonged.

He realized why the TARDIS was showing him this about the time Brooke woke up and River went to get her.

River could manage just fine on her own.

Hell, she  _did_ manage just fine on her own. When she went to Luna,  _she_ passed the tests and  _she_ wrote the papers. It had nothing to do with him. He'd just swing by sometimes. When she went to Stormcage, most of the time she escaped on her own.  _She_  made sure she had decent food,  _she_  made sure no one hit her, and  _she_ made sure that he was okay, the entire time. When she was a Professor,  _she_ got the job and graded papers.  _She_ went on expeditions and taught her students.  _She_ was the one who helped those students get their education.

And the worst part? It stung.

_February 26, 2013. 4:08 AM. Anthony and Georgia's House._

_River can manage without me. She can. She can do everything without me. She doesn't really need me for all those things she does. Hell, if I wasn't there, she wouldn't have gone to prison! I've told her this before; that she'd be better without me. Before, she's just laughed. "No, my love. You're forgetting that I wouldn' t exist without you." She'd say, and then she'd kiss me and all my thoughts would fly away. And she's right. She wouldn't exist. But if I just left, and I didn't see her again after that, who would it hurt more?  
_

_That question scares me the most. Probably because I automatically think- me. There's no question. I'm the one who, I'm sure, will fall apart and not get back up after the Library. If I even think about that prospect now, I shudder. But it's true. I'll fall down, hit the floor, and not get back up. Instead I'll curl into a ball. Kind of like a poisonous, sleeping snake. Come near and I'd strike._

_Getting River out would be largely selfish. I have no doubt that she wants out. But getting her out would make her continue go through a living hell with our backwards timeline (who knows the paradox). Not getting her out results in me not wanting to live anymore and her being stuck in a computer, never changing, never dying, never **doing** anything._

_But, I get it. I think I do, anyway. Why else would the TARDIS show me that? The Old Girl almost misses her as much as I do. The point's not that she can stay in there without me and survive._

_The point is, she can work on her own. She can get herself out of this._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want a few more chapters, you can find them here on Wattpad- http://www.wattpad.com/story/13575788-raising-a-song-101-sequel-to-hello-sweetie


	7. Chapter 7

"Sweetie?" River called out quietly. "That you?"

The Doctor grinned sheepishly in the dark. "Yeah. Give me a second." He reached over and slipped off his shoes and socks, pushing them under the bed so he wouldn't trip in the morning. Then off came the shirt and trousers, dropping to the floor with a small rustle.

He lifted the covers and slid in, sidling up next to his wife and putting an arm around her. "I take that I wasn't gone long?" He whispered, breath ghosting her ear. She shivered. "If you think you're smart and that you landed in the same night, I'm going to have to disappoint you. You left yesterday night."

He rolled his eyes. "It's the TARDIS's fault."

"Sure it is." She murmured, already drifting to sleep with his arms encasing her waist.

He couldn't help but smile at her sarcasm. He'd missed that.

With a kiss to the back of her neck, he snuggled his head into a comfortable position by her hair and let his eyes flutter shut.

***********

There was a nightmare this time. Even with River there beside him, he sometimes had them.

_"River." He'd said numbly. "Please, no!"_

_But she hadn't listened. There was just that painful teary-eyed flash of teeth, her reaching for the cables, connecting them, and then whiteness._

_He screamed her name the entire time._

He woke, sweaty, with a pair of hands on both shoulders and something on top of him. He panicked for a moment, thrashing around, when he processed there was a voice, and that voice was River's, and she was in fact alive, here, and talking.

He calmed, and blinked the tears away, to see all of them standing there in the darkness of the room- Anthony, River, Georgia, and Brooke looking at him with worry in their eyes.

"I-" He began, trying to think up a plausible explanation and get around the catch in his throat.

"I didn't mean to wake you up. Sorry."

River raised an eyebrow, then slipped off of his waist and back onto the space beside him. Anthony and Georgia exchanged glances. Brooke seemed to raise one of her barely-existent eyebrows as well.

"If you'll excuse us," River said, "I think we need to talk."

They left without a word, Georgia carrying Brooke on her hip.

Her gaze was hot on his face. He avoided eye contact and instead focused on his hands.

He was surprised when he felt a warm pair of hands on his shoulders, massaging him. "You know," River said quietly, "you could always just tell me what you're so afraid of happening to me. I'm not planning on committing suicide. And I'm pretty sure this body'll last another couple hundred years. Maybe more, since I can age backwards a little bit."

He stayed silent, and she continued to smooth her calloused hands over his bare shoulder.

After a moment, she pulled them away and sat, her thigh brushing his, and pulled him into her embrace.

"Just tell me." She whispered quietly. "Tell me why you were screaming for me. Tell me why I didn't come."

The Doctor swallowed and moved his hand up to trace her cheek. "Spoilers." The word came out almost reverently, and he kicked himself for the angry look that surfaced on her face.

"I don't give a damn about _spoilers_." She spit out venomously, pulling away. "I want to know what you were so afraid of."

He shook his head and pulled her back to him. She sighed.

There was silence.

"I'm sorry. I know it's not your fault. But I won't tell you that I don't want to know."

The Doctor bit his lip. "It's nothing. You know how it is. Just a nightmare. I don't really want to talk about it." That much River could understand. The nightmares. It was a plague that haunted her almost as badly as it did him. It was the talking about it that had her confused. They almost always shared the nightmares that woke them up. Sometimes he didn't, and she'd never asked why. Then again, he'd never been screaming her name in his sleep, either.

"I'm going to go put Brooke back to bed. It's three in the morning." She said, and got out of bed.

His eyes darted to the clock. It was indeed three in the morning.

************

The next day was when he really panicked.

She'd told him she needed a little break. That she had to get back to her teaching, because otherwise who'd teach the little hooligans? It made sense, really. He'd left a couple times to try to get back to his normal routine. She deserved that, too.

Still.

It was their child. He felt a little helpless, standing in the TARDIS with his baby girl, watching his wife walk- no, stride, into her lecture hall.

Being a father was something he'd done before. But it'd been a while. Taking care of a life was a big responsibility-especially if said life couldn't even lift their own fork.

He did well enough, managing to find a kid-friendly place on a faraway planet for the day. It was made of marshmallows. And there were nurses and care-takers at every station. But hey. He'd stayed away for a full 8 hours and made sure their child was safe and fed. That was something, at least.

The brakes were on when he materialized into her flat, rushing out with Brook, both covered in a sticky white goo-they'd ridden on the MarshFountain roller coaster.

River laughed at the sight and grabbed Brooke, kissing her on the forehead and striding into the TARDIS past her husband. He pouted, of course, and ruined her shirt by grabbing the back of it to turn her around and kiss her.

She licked her lips thoughtfully afterwards. "MarshFountain, I'm guessing?" She said as she walked to their bathroom, not making it sound much like a question.

"Brooke's idea." He insisted.

"I see." River gently sat her down into the baby bath the TARDIS had supplied beside their own.

Brooke gurgled and splashed water, appearing quite pleased with herself when the Doctor spluttered and swiped the bubbles off his face.

That night, when Brooke was asleep in her room and they'd both showered, they slipped quietly into bed. The Doctor curled around his wife and she made a noise when he kissed the back of her neck.

"I think," River said, just as he began to think she'd fallen asleep, "that I need to do this more often. Just go to work. It's something I like doing. You can keep on with what you're doing, of course, maybe I can watch her the days you go off adventuring."

He decided to pretend to be asleep. It was a lot easier to handle it that way.

"And I hope you know that I can tell you're awake. I can feel your hearts beating."

He sighed and wrapped his arms more tightly around her. "Okay. We can do that."

"Really?" She said, sounding surprised.

"Really."

River gave a hum of approval. "Goodnight, sweetie."

"Goodnight."

***************

He found that he enjoyed their arrangement over the next few weeks. She went to work for two days, he went on an adventure the next day. They even had weekends, where they both took a break together.

Normal.

He'd always though normal was boring. That he'd never be able to handle it. But this is a different kind of normal. It just felt _right_ for her and Brooke to be there at the end of every day. Maybe, he thought, this is what he'd always wanted. Maybe he'd always wanted a family to come home to. A family to call home would be a better description.

They visited Craig and Sophie from time to time, and Anthony and Georgia. The latter of the couples were expecting a child of their own. They'd congratulated them, and the Doctor grinned when Georgia showed them a black and white picture of his new nephew.

Life was good. Life was great.

Clara was fun, too. Most recently, he'd taken her and the children she babysat (that's what he called it, anyway) to a world that was an amusement park. He'd taken Brooke there. Turns out he arrived too late, and there was a fight with the Cybermen. It was a little more challenging than usual, but still fun. Still adrenaline filled running.

The problem came shortly after he picked River up at her flat. He was on time, since River and the TARDIS had reached some agreement that She'd take him when he needed to be for her child.

River and Brooke had greeted him, as usual, with hugs and smiles. Brooke showed him her developed intelligence by doing a trick River taught her involving building blocks. Really, he argued teasingly, does a 3 month old child really need to be able to disarm a Sontaran with a square inch block?

But, he admitted it was impressive.

The problem was during dinner. Yes, he did that now. It wasn't at a table, it was usually watching some Earth sci-fi show on the telly, or watching a live duel, or watching a star collapse, but it was still considered dinner. This time they were watching a planet turn purple. It didn't really turn purple, of course, the atmosphere was just programmed to change designs, but it looked purple.

She was casually munching on a jammy dodger when she said it. "I've been offered a place on an expedition."

His breath caught for a moment, but he reminded himself she'd been on several expeditions after she had Brooke.

"Oh?" He replied nonchalantly. "What is it?"

She shrugged and wiped some jam off her mouth. "Investigating. Man I know, Mr. Lux, is looking to go into the Library-"

The Doctor's tea flew out of his mouth.

_March 23, 5184. 6:09 PM._

_I don't know why he reacted the way he did when I told him I was going on an expedition. He knows how it is. I've been on several already after I had Brooke. Besides, it's not exceptionally dangerous. It's been empty for 100 years, so whatever came and made it empty is long dead and gone._

_He spit his tea all over me, and he looked a little insane. He looked more like my mad man than my mad man with a box. His eyes just unfocused a bit. I may have imagined them getting a little watery._

_I don't know, though. It was just weird. He just said we could go to the Singing Towers tomorrow, and then said he felt sick and left. Which was obviously a lie. Not only is he a rubbish liar, there are few illnesses he could have possibly contracted from the places he's been with Brooke. And it'd be very unlikely._

_I'm not sure why he's acting so odd._

_One day, I've got to meet a version who doesn't know me yet. Is that why he's acting that way? Did he meet me there, and he looked right through me? That's the explanation that makes the most sense to me. But I know that I'll be able to come right back here. I'm not saying it won't hurt to meet him that way. It will, I'm sure. It'll hurt like crazy._

_But knowing that I've got the real him and our beautiful daughter to come home to, it shouldn't kill me_


	8. Chapter 8

The Doctor smiled thinly at Anthony as he handed him Brooke's bigger-on-the-inside suitcase. "River put a ton of clothes in there. She'll be fine. I'll be back tomorrow."

Georgia bounced Brooke higher on her hip. "Any special Time-Lord instructions?"

"Oh, yeah," The Doctor said, "she likes playing the Wii. She can read, and I packed a couple Galifreyan and maybe an English book in there. Don't read them to her. She gets annoyed. River made her several bottles of milk and put them in your fridge. If she doesn't have enough for some crazy reason, her digestive system can probably take smoothies and finely crushed food by now. And don't buckle her into a stroller. Or a car seat. She'll unlatch it. Just tell her she needs to stay put, and she will. We've already talked about that." He paused, taking a breath. "I'll be back tomorrow, Brooke." He leaned over and kissed her temple.

He patted Anthony on the shoulder. "Did you tell River goodbye?" He asked softly.

Anthony raised an eyebrow but nodded. "Yeah. Why?"

The Doctor shook his head, as if to clear the thoughts clouding his  mind. "Just wondering. See you."

With that, he turned and left the house.

Georgia eyed the door for a moment after he left, then turned to Brooke.

"So. . . you like playing the Wii?"

\-----------

_Darillium. October 26, 3748._

"This is beautiful." She murmured, resting her head on his shoulder. "We should've come before."

He bit his lip and rested his cheek on her curls. "No, I don't think so."

"I don't  see why not. This is just amazing, dear."

He sighed and searched his memory, hoping to find that the River he'd met at the Library had somehow not mentioned him crying. No, she had. And his resolve was quickly fading as the night went on.

Without his permission, water that had pooled in his eyes fell and landed in her hair.

His eyes darted down, hoping she hadn't noticed.

She did.

 "What's wrong, my love?" She asked, running a hand over his cheek. "You alright?"

He choked back a whimper that was threatening to escape the more he let his thoughts run wild. "Yeah. Sorry. Fine. You're just. . ." he placed his hand over hers on his face, "you're the most amazing and beautiful and perfect woman I've ever met." He did a mental facepalm. When did he get sappy?

Her eyes grew a glint of suspicion. "Doctor, what's going on?"

"Nothing, nothing." He shook his head. "I just don't want you to forget that."

She nodded, though he could tell she wasn't satisfied, and went back to watching the towers sing.

The rest of the night went by quickly, too quickly. He gave her the screwdriver. He'd put two things in it- the neural relay and a message. He didn't know which his younger incarnation had put in the Library. He didn't understand what had happened. She was in the mainframe, yes. He knew that much.

But when she'd plugged those cables in, her body was gone. Vanished. River had done something, and it wasn't just sacrificing herself. So he put both in there and hoped for the best.

He cried silently throughout, and she didn't comment. He didn't let go of her at all, keeping contact in hopes he'd never have to let her leave.

It didn't work.

He woke up the next morning beside her, of course, and gently wrapped his arms around her bare stomach, making sure she didn't wake. She didn't, not for a while, but an hour later she pulled away.

He shot up, shaking his head frantically. "No, River, get back into bed." He tried to sound teasing, and either it worked or she ignored the slight edge of panic that was barely audible.

"Sweetie, you know that I don't usually object to that sentence, but last night was plenty of that, and I've got to get on that shuttle." She replied, pulling on her underwear and speaking firmly.

"No. River, no. Please. Just a little bit longer. I've got a time machine."

She turned to him, hands on her hips.

"Yes, you do. And I've got an expedition to go on and a husband who thinks I'll do whatever he wants, including staying in bed all morning when I've tended to his _needs_ already last night!"

"I don't. . ." he began, "that's not what I mean. Just- sleep a little bit longer?"

"No." The answer was firm, and there was  a sense of finality she was sure to include. She pulled on a tank top and a pair of shorts. "Now, you can bring me there and kiss me goodbye, or pout like a baby and I'll fly her there. The date last night was great, I told you that, but I do have things to do. You know that. We've already agreed I can do expeditions."

He swallowed thickly. "Alright. I'll fly her there."

"Good." She reached onto her bedside table and grabbed a blaster- the squareness gun, he noticed.

He stood up and got clothes on slowly, watching as his wife checked the gun and grabbed her psychic paper.

\---------

Dropping her off was probably the hardest thing he'd ever done. She wasn't wearing the suit, she'd put it on on the shuttle, but the picture was still enough to make him want to spill his guts about everything that was about to happen to her, and beg her not to leave.

But he didn't.

Instead, he pulled her into a lingering kiss, and watched her stride confidently to the boarding dock.

\----------

He didn't go to Brooke right away. No, he watched the shuttle take off first, and then decided it was a better idea to stuff the pain away and go find Clara instead. After he went and cried his eyes out on her side of the bed.

That was even worse.

When he got there, he decided to watch Angie and Artie for the neighbor, anything to get his mind off his wife. Clara was asleep.

Then she told him what happened, and he found that the day could get worse.    

He immediately said that River was an ex. Maybe that would make it easier to deal with it all. He had faith that she could help herself, yes, but this time... it was getting scary.

But it didn't make it easier to deal with.

He took up the challenge from the Great Intelligience as soon as he heard it. For his friends, yes, but also for her. It sounded like a suicide mission. It might as well have been. Maybe that's why he took it.

Seeing her again. . . was terrible. He'd just seen her, in the last 48 hours from his perspective. Shouldn't that have made it easier? It hurt, though. He'd just seen her, and now he was talking to her when she was dead. It felt too fast. All this pain within the same two days. He couldn't help but kiss her, of course. Words couldn't fix what a sickening thing he'd done. His lips on hers didn't either, but it did restore his hope when she said the word.  _The_ word. 

_Spoilers._

It could have meant a lot. But he knew his wife, and he understood her. Her thoughts, her memories, her fears. Her words.

This was a promise for more. Maybe their song wasn't over yet.

He kicked himself as soon as the thought went through his mind. Of course it wasn't. She wouldn't leave him to raise their child alone.

When he dropped Clara back off, he'd went straight to their room. The Old Girl seemed to know what he was doing.

He was looking at the screwdriver. 

The blueprint, anyway. River would have to put herself into the neural relay. Connect her brain to it, anyway. He'd told her there was one in there. What she did with it was all her.

Then there was a burning in his pocket.

He took out the psychic paper and read.

_The Library._

_Come as soon as you can. xx_

_\---------------_

**_Diary entry._ **

_The Library. September 30, 5078. 8:25 PM._

_Well, I know what's happening now. Damn idiot didn't tell me._

_It looks like I've got a choice. Sweetie, if you're reading this- I'll tell you what's happening. You're passed out on the floor, handcuffed to a pole. I'm sitting in this chair getting ready to sacrifice myself for these people. I know it's right. I know you'd do it. And I get what you're doing.  
_

_The screwdriver. Ha. A neural relay and a message. I haven't seen the message yet, but I get the point._

_Hate to burst your bubble, but I've got my own plan. I don't know that it'll work. I've got no idea if it'll work. I'll explain it if it does, I guess, since that's the only way it'll matter. The thing is, I don't want to live forever. Especially if it's without you and  Brooke. The only thing I do is hope and pray to whatever God is out there. Send Anthony and Georgia my love.  
_

_And never underestimate me again.  
_

_One last thing. I love you more than you'll ever know. Even if you should've told me about this. Make sure Brooke knows I love her too. She'll grow up to be perfect, I know, even if I can't get out. You're an amazing husband, and an amazing father. I love you._

_I'm sorry, sweetie._


	9. Chapter 9

He sent the message to his younger self immediately. That must have been what happened. She didn't mess up when sending it, and the TARDIS didn't mess up. He'd sent it. 

The pain was re-surfaced as soon as he saw the note and the handwriting he'd recognize anywhere. He broke down, not being able to help it anymore. This was his wife, and she was gone. He'd had faith that she'd get herself out when he couldn't. Well, apparently he'd overestimated her. 

He didn't know how long he sat in the control room, in the jump seat and rocking back and forth as tears flowed from his eyes. It could have been years. It could have been minutes. He couldn't find it in himself to care. Not after this. He knew he had to be strong. He knew he had a daughter, and that there was no way that he'd leave her. Even if he had to do it by himself. 

So he wiped his eyes and got ready to leave and go to that terrible place. 

Instead, the TARDIS turned the picture on the monitor to his bathroom-their bathroom. He looked down and realized that several of his shirt buttons and jacket was missing, and that he looked terrible. So he got the hint and took a shower first. Not in their shower. He couldn't bring himself to walk back through their room yet. No, he took one in a random bedroom the TARDIS brought up. 

Then he got dressed and piloted the coordinates for the Library. 

\-------------

"Dammit!" River yelled, and flung the book across the room, running a hand over her face. "I can't find anything!" 

Anita sighed as the older women pulled her hair into a ponytail and set her jaw once more. "Look, why do you have to go? I understand he's important to you, but this place is everything anyone could hope for. I'm sure Charlotte could even-" 

"No." Her voice came out low. "You don't understand. Yes, he was being a-a-" River glanced at Charlotte, who was sitting at another table reading, "an idiot, and didn't tell me, but he's my husband. Not to mention Brooke." 

"Brooke?" Anita questioned softly. Professor Song had never talked much about her personal life. She'd only just found out that the Doctor was her husband, a week or so ago. When she read through her file, it just read that she graduated from Luna, then taught at Luna, all the while going on archeology expeditions that had some great outcomes. There was no personal information. 

"My daughter." River said quietly. "She's our daughter, and I refuse to leave her out there. I can't. He's an amazing father, but sometimes he needs someone to put him in place. Bless." 

Well, that certainly changed things. A child always seemed to do that. 

"Oh." 

"Yeah." River said, glancing up at her. "She's still a baby. A few months old." 

"I'm sorry." Anita murmured, about to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but didn't after she thought it through. The Professor certainly didn't like people touching her.

The Library mainframe was a great place, it really was. They could go into any book, and have any adventure, and learn about everything. Charlotte could even make the people in the books. Everyone loved it there. 

Except River. 

She stayed up day and night (well, the virtual kind, anyway) looking through for information about time streams. She'd tried to explain it to her team, she had. It was something to do with back-to-front lives, and how she always ended up a certain way because of how her DNA was constructed. It was confusing, and Anita didn't understand any of it. She just sort of enjoyed what was there. She'd even taken a liking to Other Dave, and Miss Evangelista and Proper Dave hit it off really well, too. They were pairing off. 

Anita was sure that Proper Dave would have happily paired with River in the very beginning, before he realized how much he liked Miss Evangelista. But there was no way she would. She was always working and reading. Not to mention the fact that she was so obviously married to another man. 

She'd explained to them a little about herself, as well. How she was part Time-Lord, and was married to the last full one there was. How her DNA was different from a humans, with something called Artron energy. How she could regenerate. It was all complicated, but once she started talking about all the science behind it, it made sense. Even if they didn't really get it. 

Other Dave walked into the room quietly, hands in his pockets. "Hey, Professor Song." 

"Dave." She murmured, obviously distracted by whatever book she had in front of her. 

"Still at it, I see." 

"Yeah." She murmured again. 

"Okay then. Anita, wanna go to Narnia?" 

"Couldn't think of anything better." She smiled up at him, then looked over to the little girl reading quietly. "Charlotte? Want to come?" 

"No thanks." 

"Okay. Bye, guys." 

Anita and Dave left them to work. 

After a few minutes, River felt a small hand on her shoulder. 

"What?" 

"You need to talk." CAL said softly. 

"I don't, I'm fine. Thanks though, dear." 

"I know what it's like." The girl replied, sliding into a chair beside the older woman. "When all my memories came back, and my dad was gone. I liked my dad. Even if I made another one, he wouldn't be real. He'd just be part of my imagination. I lost him." She looked down at her hands, fiddling them.

River glanced over. "I'm sorry, dear. It's just. . . complicated. Really complicated." 

Charlotte raised her eyes to meet River's. "I'm a good listener. And you need to talk." 

River bit her lip, considering it. What harm could it really do?

"It's just hard. And frustrating. My whole life, I've been the smartest in everything, and I didn't even have to try. I understand every type of physics, every type of practically every science. And it's really frustrating, because this is something that's hard to understand. I've got to work into it. And there are little pieces that I can't figure out. I mean, how am I supposed to try to change my DNA if I don't even understand it? He left me a message, trying to explain all that. But even he couldn't tell me everything about my DNA. So now I've got to figure it out. And I've got to do it all, knowing that my family's out there, waiting on me. Maybe even not-actually, no. Not them. They don't really need me as much as I'd like to think. I'm the one that needs them," She paused, "and it's hard. I want my husband, and I want my little girl." She finished in a small voice. 

Small hands wrapped around her shoulders in a hug. "Riv," Charlotte said, "I think I found something." 

The woman raised an eyebrow. "What'd you find?"

The younger girl bit her lip and pointed to a small tablet that had materialized on the table. "That. There's a book on there, and I think it's about you. Demon's Run, right?" 

River picked it up and nodded. "Thanks." 

"Yeah." She patted River's shoulder and disappeared. 

\---------------

  _March 3, 2013. Anthony and Georgia's house. 9:00 AM_

"What's she doing?" Anthony asked his wife, who was standing beside him with an equal look of awe on her face. 

"She's hunting, I think." 

"But how can she shoot straight? I can't even shoot straight on the Wii!" 

"I don't know! Maybe you should asked her mother! She's the one that has that amazing 12 gauge." 

"Look! She shot three deer! And..." Anthony paused, watching the screen. "a squirrel? Are you kidding? I didn't even know there _was_ asquirrel!!" 

Brooke babbled something, and aimed the miniature play pistol that her mom had custom made again. 

"She gets the need to show off from her dad, though." Georgia said, smirking. 

"Yeah. And that mini-screwdriver, which, by the way, is missing from her crib." 

"What's the worst she could've done with it? Made the game have a squirrel to shoot?" 

"Well, Mum said that he could start fires with his! You think he put that on Brooke's?" 

"Oh no. Brooke, don't do-" Georgia yelled, running to the child, who had just managed to make the small pistol fire lasers at a potted plant, "-that." She finished lamely. She turned to her husband. "You didn't tell me about the screwdriver until now, so _you_ get to clean it up. I'm going to give her a bath." 

\---------------

  _The Library. September 31, 5078. 11:25 AM_

The Doctor walked slowly around the crowd, making sure he wouldn't run into his younger self. He was pretty sure a paradox blowing the place up would not be a good plan. 

He wasn't entirely sure why he was there. He was still clinging to the hope that his wife would get out, he supposed. Because she couldn't count on him when it really mattered. Like now. 

The people swarmed in front of him, black blending into black, until his eyes were blurry and he couldn't tell them apart. A bout of dizziness overtook him, so he found a chair at the edge of the room and sat. 

He wasn't sure how long he sat there until it happened. It might have been a minute, may have been an hour. In any case, someone tripped over his foot. 

His eyes shot open and he reached down to help the person up, babbling apologies, but when the woman looked up, he had to bite back a gasp. 

Donna Noble was the one shaking her head and telling him she was fine.

\----------

  _I've got no idea what the date is. Or the time. Or anything._

_That's what it's like living in the Library. For the first time in my life, I don't know the time. You would know why that bugs me. No one else in here does._

_This isn't even a real diary that I'm writing in. This is just some book Charlotte made for me. It looks the same, yes, but's it's not worn, and I can't feel the same texture, and it's certainly not bigger on the inside._

_I wanted you to know that I'm mad at you right now. You could've told me, we could've made plans in case I didn't get out. But you, the idiot you are, decided to keep it from me, and now Brooke is going to have to wait longer to get her mother back and you're going to be on your own with her for a little while._

_Actually, knowing you, you probably don't even have Brooke. She's probably still with Anthony and Georgia while you mope around, probably hurting yourself by doing it. Don't pity yourself, my love. Don't blame the universe. Do you really need to go through what happened after Mum and Dad again? The answer's no. So stop being stupid, and go get your daughter. I can't be there for her, so you're going to have to._

_Charlotte found me something today. A book on what they did to me as a child. I'm not going to say it's easy to read. But the information's useful. I think I'll figure out how to change my physical signature by tomorrow and see how the teleport works. Heck, I don't know why I even said that, since there's no time in this place. It's a nightmare._

_I think- and don't get your hopes up, because I don't even think it's got a high possiblility of working- I think I can change my physical signature so that I'll have more Artron energy inside me. A little more time inside my DNA. There's a possibility I can regain the ability to regenerate. A small one, but it's there._

_You know how it works. I'm a string of numbers in here. My physical signature's a string of numbers. A long one, of course, and I have to figure out what exactly I need to change, but I think I've got it. I can certainly hope so, anyway._

_One more thing._

_I think Charlotte is scared of me leaving. I love her to pieces, she knows that, but she was reluctant to give me that book I was talking about. I think she had it for a while, but she didn't give it to me. She's a sweet girl. I'll have to make sure Anita and Other Dave take good care of her if this works._

_All my love._


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She smiled, and was about to walk away, but turned with both eyebrows raised. "How'd you know my name?"
> 
> His mind blanked. Was there possibly a rational explanation to knowing a stranger's name? "Uh.... your name tag!"
> 
> Donna cocked her hip. "I don't have a name tag."
> 
> So much for that.

Charlottle tip-toed over some books on the floor and went to River.

She was asleep, or maybe half asleep on the table. Whatever it could be.

Sleep was sort of a recharge in the Library. And this was the first time River had ever slept.

Reluctant to wake her up, Charlotte reached over gently and poked the woman's side. She startled and jumped up into a defensive positioni immediately, her natural instinct.

Charlotte winced and backed away. "It's just me, Riv. Sorry."

River lowered her hands and ran one through her hair. "No, no. My fault. What is it?"

"You need sleep in a bed."

"I don't." She refused, sitting back down and going back to the book.

"Yes, you do."

"I'm perfectly fine. I normally don't get sleep for a month or two anyway."

"Sleep, River. I made you a bedroom just like-"

"-You're a stubborn kid, you know that?"

Charlotte smiled. "Yes."

"Not as stubborn as me." River turned around and resumed reading.

She frowned and concentrated, closing her eyes.

A second later, River let out a yelp, and Charlotte opened her eyes and looked to her. She was in a bed, in pajamas, in the room as constructed in her mind.

"Charlotte, why'd you do that? I need to work." River moved to crawl out of the bed, and the younger girl blocked her path.

"Did you know that time in the Library passes a lot faster than normal time? Out there, it may have been a couple hours since you came in."

"That doesn't mean I don't need to-"

Charlotte shook her head and climbed up onto the bed beside River, sitting cross-legged beside her.

"River, what's wrong? There's nothing wrong with sleeping, and you really don't need to work anymore. Take a break."

The blond woman lowered her eyes from Charlotte's gaze and mumbled something.

"What?"

"I can't sleep without him." She said, louder this time.

Charlotte's eyes widened. Hmm. "Well, I can always ma-"

"No!" River cut her off. "Sorry, no. " She said, softer this time, "I don't want some replica out of a book."

"Why can't you sleep without him, anyway?" She asked, crawling over to her and laying her head down so she could look up at her.

River bit her lip, a sign Charlotte now recognized as her being scared or stressed. Or both. "It's complicated, dear. I don't have nice dreams sometimes, and they can get pretty scary. I have a feeling they'll be worse without him."

"You could at least rest."

"I'm fine!" River insisted, moving to crawl out of the bed again, only to find the edge had gotten farther away. She glanced over at the child, who was innocently looking at the ceiling. "I said I'm fine."

"And I said you could use some rest."

"You're a child!"

"I'm a smart computer that _also_ happens to be a child." Charlotte corrected with a smile.

"I'm still centuries older than you."

"I doubt it."

"Before I came in here, I was 500 and something. You?"

Charlotte blinked. "So maybe you're a little older than me."

"Yes, so let me out of this bed!"

"No. Rest."

River frowned. "Good grief, you're almost as bad as my husband!"

"Just lay down."

"Fine." River crawled back up and plopped down on the covers. "Happy?"

"Almost. Now, tell me about what you've found so far."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Okay, fine. Some of the operations were on my mother while I was still in her. They injected me with something called artron energy for my regenerations. I'm not sure where they got it, it just says 'drawn from T'."

"What's Artron energy?" Charlotte asked, curious.

"It's complicated, to begin with. Time Lords have it in them. Affects their ability to regenerate. It connects them to their time stream as well. Not only that, humans who absorb it through background radiation tend to have more advanced immune systems. Also very linked to TARDIS's. Sort of what they run off of, really. They make a huge displacement with the stuff when they land. Like I said," River glanced to Charlotte, "complicated."

Charlotte flopped back down on the bed beside her. "Well, it doesn't sound too bad. Since you're smart. Just change your DNA in your physical signature. I can even get an expert to show you how to do it out of a book."

River smiled and rolled her eyes. "Char, you don't know half of it. I don't just have to do that. I have to figure out how to put more in my system, and find out what part of it is linked to my time stream so I can reverse it. And that's the simple, unscientific way of putting it. It sounds a lot easier than it actually is."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Well, I can still get you a scientist that knows how to do that kind of thing."

"I'm part Time Lord. I specialize in all the sciences." River smirked.

"But it'd help to have an expert, wouldn't it?"

"Maybe so. I do still have to work on that da-" She paused at Charlotte's raised eyebrow, "-dang, I was going to say dang- teleport."

The little girl pursed her lips and crawled over to River, setting her head in her lap, and grabbed her hand. "Sure you were."  
  


"I was!" She insisted, gently pushing her off, "And you need to get off so I can figure it out."

The brunette sighed and rolled off River, watching her scoot off the bed. She paused at the door, and turned around. "Char, if you want to sleep in here, you can. It's all right with me." She spared her another glance, and bit her lip before walking back to finish her work.

\-------------------

_March 3, 2013. Anthony and Georgia's house. 9:37 PM._

"Listen, Brooke, you have to sleep, okay?" Georgia tried coaxing the crying little girl. "Come on, please!" She picked her up and put her on her shoulder, trying to bounce her.

She was pretty sure the baby felt insullted, judging the look she was giving her.

Anthony walked in, rubbing his eyes. "Still not asleep?"

"What do you think?" Georgia glared angrily at her husband. "I don't get it. She's gone to sleep with us before!" She turned around and started walking, patting the girl's back and starting to hum.

Then Anthony made a noise. "Oh."

"Oh?" She turned around, "Oh, what?"

"Well," he began, scratching the back of his head, a nervous tick he'd learned from his father, "mum and dad did talk about how the Doctor and River used to stay up all the time and go on dates."

"Your point?"

"Time Lords, apparently, don't need much sleep?" He finished weakly.

She marched over to him and handed Brooke over. "Well, it's your turn. You talk to her longer," She walked out, calling behind her, "and we are not having kids until she can talk!"

\-----------------------

_The Library. September 32, 5078. 12:19 PM._

Well. This was complicated.

He bent down to help her pick up some papers she'd dropped. He remembered them staying a while after _it_ happened to help get everyone safely home, and the papers must have been something she was doing for Lux.

"Thanks. Should've seen your foot, walked right on you!" She said, chuckling, and smoothing a page out. Some man walked right on top of a few scattered to their left, and the Doctor grimaced. Here it- "Oi! Watch it, mate!" She leaned over and grabbed the ones he'd stepped on.

She turned back to him, and he realized he should probably pick the rest of them up.

"Do I- do I know you?" She asked quietly as she tried to wipe the scuff marks off.

"I doubt it. I just have one of those faces." If his voice cracked, she must not have been able to tell. She simply nodded and got the remaining papers from him.

"Well, thanks. Sorry for running into you." She stood up, and offered him a hand. He smiled gratefully and took it. "No problem, Donna."

She smiled, and was about to walk away, but turned with both eyebrows raised. "How'd you know my name?"

His mind blanked. Was there possibly a rational explanation to knowing a stranger's name? "Uh.... your name tag!"

Donna cocked her hip. "I don't have a name tag."

So much for that.

"You're right. You know, just a lucky guess."

"Sure." The look she was giving him certainly didn't say that she was buying it.

He ran a hand through his hair. "I know someone that looks just like you, and her name's Donna. So... I just accidentally called you that. Nice name, though," he backed away, "Donna. Lovely name."

"Yeah, thanks." She pointed behind him, "and you're about to run into that table."

He whirled around, knocking his side into the corner. "Ow! Okay, table there. Don't run into the table."

"Yeah, okay. I won't.. Nice meeting you, um..."

"Williams-William." He blurted. "I'm William."

"Okay." She nodded, and with another weird look, turned and walked out of his life again.

\----------------

River groaned and rubbed the back of her neck. She'd been reading the book and working out equations the whole night. Well, whatever they classiified as a whole night in a computer where time is so confusing.

But she had gotten a good bit done, so that was something.

The teleport, she thought she'd figured out. CAL had plenty of memory space and a big enough source of electricity to let her out. The percent of her making it out successfully was probably around 87%, she figured. It was the reverse time stream she was worried about.

She was still having a hard time figuring out her DNA and how to reverse the small parts in it that had her time stream. She knew how small they were, and she knew she had to be sure which numbers in her physical signature to change. If she messed this up, she'd continue meeting her husband in reverse order once she got out, and that was one thing she couldn't stand.

As much as it hurt her pride to say it, she needed help. Being part-Time Lord, she'd always been amazing at science. She was a quick learner in normal school, and when she went to college, she even took a few science classes just because. (She was technically a certified doctor in 7 difference sciences on different planets). Asking for help wasn't something she did often when it came to this.

Her mind drifted once again to her husband. He'd tease her now about her ego, about how she must hate him not to ask for help. Then he'd reach over and show her exactly what she needed to fix the problem. But he wasn't here. There was no warm breath ghosting over her ear, no arm brushing her shoulder to solve the complicated math expression. No one using helping her with this as an excuse to get closer to her.

He really was an idiot, she thought. A stupid, sentimental, idiot. He could've told her that this would happen, could've told her so she could make plans in case she didn't get out. She would tell her how much of an idiot he was when she saw him again, she promised. She would.

\------- 

_27 hours earlier_

River boarded the shuttle, not turning again. If she did, those puppy eyes might convince her to come back and stay a little longer.

She dropped her backpack in a chair as soon as she boarded and looked around. Lux, the head of the expedition, was busy looking through a map of the Library near the front. Anita, someone she'd met once or twice in passing, was going through the supplies, making sure they had everything. 

She sighed and checked her watch.

After a couple of hours, the shuttle had lifted off and they were well on their way to the planet. It'd take at least another 2 to get there, and River wasn't sure she could handle this team. Miss Evangelista had just opened the escape hatch for the second time, they'd all changed in those ridiculously hot suits, and Lux was already complaining about something. Proper Dave- he'd been in the bathroom for a good while. Not that she blamed him. If she wasn't so accustomed to traveling, it might've made her queasy too.

She needed the Doctor. Not just for her own sanity, but for his as well. There was something wrong, she could sense it. The crying at Darillium, how tightly he held her hand, how he stayed up later last night just to watch her sleep. It was just off, and she was determined to find out what it was.

Checking over her shoulder at her team, she discreetly pulled out her psychic paper and began writing.

_The Library. Come as soon as you can. xx_

With a gently stroke of her forefinger, she focused on the Doctor in her memory and imagined him getting it in his pocket. Once she opened her eyes and found the message gone, she stuffed it back into her backpack. Hopefully it'd reach the right one, and she could question him when he got there.

\------------

_Doctor,_

_I'm still mad at you. I mean, just in case you didn't know that. I'm going to get out, and then I'm going to slap you for not telling me._

_Anyway, I've gotten some progress, and I've decided what I have to do. You know how my DNA's constructed, how I always travel backwards in your time line. I've looked, and I've looked, and I've looked. I just can't figure out which part of my DNA that needs to be changed! It's so complicated, and I wish you were here._

_I don't know what they did to me as a baby, exactly, that made my time stream go the opposite way. It's just in my DNA somewhere, and it's so hard to figure out where and exactly what._

_So, I'm doing something. I'm not sure if it's smart. I'm not sure how long she'll last before I lunge for her throat. CAL has this ability, you know, with this books. She can bring out characters, we can visit the places in the book._

_And I've still got that book on Demon's Run that CAL found for me. There's one person who knows what was done to me, and who knows what scientists I need to help me with this._

_Though I hate Kovarian for what she did to mum, I don't have a choice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always great! :)


	11. Chapter 11

"Are you sure?" Anita asked River quietly. "I mean, I don't know what happened between you two or what the issues are, but this woman doesn't sound like someone you really want to talk to."

"You're right." River responded with a tight-lipped smile. "I don't want to talk to her. In all honesty, I'd rather murder her than talk to her."

Proper Dave lifted an eyebrow, and he exchanged glances with Other Dave. They knew Professor Song was violent, but they'd never wanted to see her use it. She was their friend, to some extent, and they were a little scared to witness her darker side they knew was buried.

"Will you tell us anything about what happened with her? Who she is, at least?" Anita tried.

The human plus took a deep breath and stopped scribbling in her notebook. "Her name's Kovarian. She made my mum and dad-" River sighed and closed her eyes, "she made my mum and dad's life very difficult. And she's working to kill someone I care about. I don't want that to happen."

Charlotte suddenly spoke up from her quiet place in the corner. "Ready?"

River bit her lip, but nodded determinedly. "Yes. If you'd excuse us," She motioned to the door. Her colleagues left wordlessly, with Anita squeezing her hand gently on the way out.

Charlotte walked over and shut the door. "Do you have the book?" Her voice was quiet, timid, and River picked it up off the table. "Yes."

"Alright. Give it here." CAL held her hand out, and River gave it to her. "Now?" The young girl asked.

"Now." River agreed, taking her hand in her own. She needed at least some stability when facing the woman who haunted her dreams.

Charlotte closed her eyes and focused, one hand on the book. There was a small noise, almost a squeak, and River opened her eyes.

\----------

_March 4, 2013. Anthony and Georgia's house. 4:45 AM_

Something was hitting his face.

He swatted at it sleepily. He'd stayed up until 1 that morning to put Brooke to sleep, and he wasn't in the mood for being slapped.

There was a whimper- _Brooke's whimper_ , he idly recognized-and his eyes shot open.

Oh yes. The little Time Lady was definitely the one waking him up.

"Go back to sleep." He murmured, pushing her hands down. She was only a few months own, but apparently Galifreyans have some amazing muscular skills. She wasn't sitting up all the way, but she was leaning up and batting away at him with no problem.

She whined again and yanked his hair. "Ow!"

Georgia groaned from her side of the bed and rolled over. "Shut up, Anthony!"

"Please tell me you moved her and she didn't walk in here by herself!"

Eyes still closed, Georgia shook her head. "No, I carried her. She wanted to come lay by you."

"What?"

Brooke giggled and grabbed his nose.

"Oi!"

\-----------------

The smile on that face was the exact replica of what haunted her dreams. Repressing a shudder, River stood up to look at her eye-to-eye.

"Good job, girl. Never be on lower ground than the enemy." Kovarian spoke, eyes lighting up at the scowl that was on River's features.

"Charlotte, dear, would you mind stepping outside for a moment?" River asked, not taking her eyes off the woman in the eyepatch. Sensing the tension in the atmosphere, the girl nodded and scurried out of the room.

They watched each other for a moment, opponent eyeing the other and looking for chinks in the other's armor, any weakness that could be found.

"I'm going to ask you once, and I'll punch you if you don't give me the answer I want." River stated calmly. "How did you make my time stream go in the opposite direction?"

Kovarian smirked. "Opposite direction of what, my dear?"

River whipped her arm back and brought her fist swiftly back up to the other woman's jaw, smiling when Kovarian's expression faltered slightly. "You know what I'm talking about. What did you change to make our time streams go in opposite directions?!"

Kovarian brought her hand up and rubbed her soon-to-be bruised jaw. "You know about Trenzalore, correct?"

River's expression hardened, and she once again prepared to punch.

Kovarian caught her fist securely in her own hand, even as River yanked it out of her hold.

"Now, now dear. Calm down, we can't have a proper discussion if my mouth is busted, can we?"

The blond pressed her lips together. "I suppose not. Although, your mouth won't be busted if you'll provide me with the simple answer I want."

"I wish you were there." Kovarian ignored her threat. "To see him dying. Impressive sight, really. He just got older and older and older, and generations died with him watching. Come to think of it, _children_ died while he was watching. He was bitter, Melody," She chuckled, "and the man he truly was got a lot harder to hide. It was quite comical. The mighty Oncoming Storm, reduced to watching years tick by and generations pass by a simple truth field and a few enemy ships."

River aimed for her eye that time.

Staggering back up, Kovarian pressed a hand to her eye. "Punch has gotten much better since you were 10, I'll give you that."

"Tell me what I want to know, Kovarian." River gritted out. "I'm trying to be more humane than you ever were with me. I want information, and I want it now."

She simply smiled and arched an eyebrow behind her eyepatch. "I suppose it doesn't matter. He's going to die anyway. But you know that, don't you?"

River clenched her jaw. "What I know is that you took me away from my mother, and made me comfort her when she didn't even know who I was. I know that you took away her ability to have children, as if I wasn't enough when it came to her problems. I know that you tested hundreds of children before me with Artron energy, and I know that your ultimate goal is to kill the Doctor before Trenzalore. I'm desperate right now, and there's nothing I'd rather do than tear your virtual throat out. That being said," She inched closer, glaring holes into Kovarian's face. "you better start talking."

"There should be a book on the research for what we did with your DNA titled 'Time Streams and their Uses' by the pen name Liculd Snow. Find it, and maybe you'll find a way to get to your precious Doctor."

River nodded and turned away, before the cold voice stopped her once more. "And for the record, I'm not a monster. I'm someone who didn't want the universe destroyed and realized that there had to be sacrifices. And if that included shooting your lover with a 67th century plasma laser gun so he wouldn't be able to walk again, it was simply a benefit. It was nice, though. Watching from above." Kovarian took a step closer, "Watching the lines on his face grow, watch him become old and weak, alone the whole time. It must have been torture for the man."

A low, guttural sound escaped River's lips, and then she was on her.

Kovarian may have been virtual and nothing more than a ghost from a book, but she was programmed to have a system like nerves.

When Anita and the rest of her colleagues came through the door, River had her pinned down on the floor and had her hands around her neck.

Kovarian didn't look well, to say the least. There were bruises already forming all over her face and her hair was tangled, Anita guessed from River pulling it.

"Professor!" Proper Dave shouted, not quite willing to get between the predator and her prey.

However, it seemed to snap her back to reality, and River banged the woman's head against the floor one more time before getting off of her.

"Charlotte." Miss Evangelista whispered, motioning to the virtually passed out Kovarian on the floor. The little girl closed her eyes, and a second later there was nothing there.

After a quiet moment, save for River's exerted breathing, Anita approached her.

"Professor?"

She shook her head and didn't look up. She was sitting at the table, hands on her face and taking deep breaths.

"Professor Song?" She tried again.

Nothing.

Inhaling, Anita turned around to address the others. "Um, maybe you should go home. Charlotte, you can go to you and Joshua and Ella's room, alright?"

The girl nodded, taking another worried glance at River, but leaving with the rest- grabbing the book that had Kovarian and quickly tucking it into her pocket before she left.

"She was talking, something about the Doctor dying." Anita got straight to the point. "But you know that's not true, you said it yourself. He'll regenerate, or figure another way out. He always does, isn't that what you said?"

"No." It came out sounding more like a croak, and River cleared her throat before repeating herself. "No. There are various accounts, some where he dies and some where he doesn't. He's used all his regenerations, so unless he does something, then..." Her voice trailed off weakly. Anita raised an eyebrow. Weakly? Professor Song was many things, but weak was not among them.

"He'll find a way. He did before, right? Something about that Tesser- tesser-something?"

River took a deep breath and turned to the younger woman. Anita decided not to comment on what looked like tear streaks running down her face. "Tesselecta, yes. I shot an exact replica of him the day we got married."

"What?"

"Oh, it was one of those time travel projects the government was doing. It could replicate and look like any recorded person. Somehow, he made it look like he was regenerating, too. He never told me how he did that."

"No, not that bit." Anita replied, eyebrows scrunched in confusion. "You shot him the day you got married?"

River chuckled gently. "Technically, I shot a replica of him after we got married, but yes, you could put it that way."

"Right." Anita decided not to comment any further on the strange things she said. If there was one thing she learned around her friend, it was that some things about her would never make sense. "You get anything out of the lady?"

"Yeah." River reached up and rubbed her eyes."Some book. If it's useful. It may just be one of those books on me that won't be worth my time at all. Guess I'll find out."

"Wh-" Anita began to ask, but stopped, reminding herself that she shouldn't ask unless she really wanted to know. "Okay, that's good."

"Yeah. I should probably get back to work." River sighed, probably already running information around in her head.

"No."

"Sorry?" River raised an eyebrow at the younger woman, who flushed under her look.

"Come with us first. We're going to the beach, and you look like you need a break."

"Well-"

Anita smiled and grabbed her hand, pulling her to her feet. "Not a question. Go get dressed."


	12. Chapter 12

River sat away from everyone else. They were playing with mermaids, not something she was in the mood for.

She sighed and pushed a curl out of her face. Sometimes life just exhausted her. Not in the literal sense. Just in the sense that she felt like she needed to.... stop. Perhaps that was part of the reason she so quickly took the Doctor's place. He'd been getting younger and younger, and she was tired.

So she felt... Like she needed to sleep. She hadn't thought it through, hadn't really rationalized much, but she knew that she had to live what she lived and not let him die. She wouldn't allow her past to be ripped away from her. Those precious, _precious_ good moments with him when he made her laugh, or smiled that smile at her, or when she woke up in the mornings in their bed with him just looking at her like he couldn't believe she was there. Or the times when he bopped or nose, or- Lord, now she'd start crying- the look he had on his face when he held Brooke in his eyes for the first time. There were amazing moments that could _not_ be taken away from them.

There were so many reasons she did it.

And she was stuck. Marooned on a figurative island where he just couldn't swim far enough to get to her.

But now-now she had a _plan._ Well, not really a  _plan_ plan. She had what she'd call a Doctor plan. The sort where you have a vague idea of what needs to happen at the end, and a few random ideas in your head of how to get there that may or may not work, and working as she went to run each one and their outcome through her head.

There was the a slgiht rustle to her left, and she snapped out of her thoughts to look up.

Charlotte.

She relaxed and shot the girl a small smile. "Hey."

Charlotte returned the favor, though tentatively. "Hi. Whatcha' doin'?"

River shrugged and turned her eyes back to the ocean. "Just thinking. You know. Why aren't you with the others?"

Charlotte sighed behind her. "I've chatted with those mermaids at least a hundred times. They're the exact same story every time, anyway. I already know what they'll say, and it gets boring."

After a slight pause, she asked, "What're you thinkin' about?"

River turned her head back slightly to look at the girl. "My family." She admitted softly. "What happened to get me here. How I'm gonna get out of here- just everything."

The girl nodded, and looked at the sand for a long moment. "Why were you like that?" She suddenly said, in a low voice. "With that lady. You were yelling. I didn't mean to hear you, or eavesdrop or anything," She quickly added, "It just sometimes happens in my head. All of you are inside my mind, and when you yell, it's not as muffled as it usually is."

River  took a deep breath and turned around to face the girl. She did deserve at least a partial explanation. "She was saying- she was saying really bad things about the Doctor. I got defensive, I guess."

The girl let sand run through her fingers for a  moment before looking back up to the older woman. "River?"

"Hm?"

"You said that you were gonna change yourself, your DNA with the-the time stream thing, right? And the Rartron energy?"

"Artron." River corrected, "And yes. I'll have the ability to regenerate again and won't travel in the opposite direction of my husband when I do, if all goes to plan."

"Right." Charlotte said. "It's just- will you be the same?"

"What do you mean?" River asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, you're changing your DNA and your time stream and the Crartron- artron," she corrected, "energy inside you. So will that change, you know, you? Will you be the same?"

River paused and thought Charlotte's point over. It did make sense, she guessed.

"No, I don't think so. I should be the same, if I make all the correct calculations and change the right things. It's only if I mess up that something like a personality change could happen."

"But it's possible?" The young girl looked nervous.

"I suppose. But only if I miss something, which I'll try my best not to do."

"But you could be changed! Isn't that dangerous?" Charlotte bit her lip anxiously. "It just sounds risky."

River chuckled. "Story of my life."

They sat in companionable silence for a minute or two before Charlotte spoke up again. "River.... Why don't you just..... stay?"

River shook her head sadly at the girl. "You know I can't."

"But _why?"_ Charlotte insisted. "It's a good life, isn't it? You can literally be in paradise forever. Never dying. Not just read any book there ever was, but live it too. Go through history, if you like. Always moving, always going. You don't even have to sleep. It's constant adventure, doing whatever you could possibly want."

"Char, my family's out there," River replied, looking away, "a great one. I have people I love out there. I just- there's no way I can live without them. I have a husband I care for more than the universe's life itself, and a brand-new amazing daughter I just had a few months ago. I'd never forgive myself if I gave up and let her grow up without a mother like I did."

"But _River._ " Charlotte stressed. "It's an endless life. It's what the Doctor wanted. You can do anything your heart wishes, see anything, eat anything, touch anything. Besides, I already told you- I _can_ make him for you!"

"No, Char," River replied slowly. "you can't. I don't want an echo. I can't settle for that, not knowing that he's out there."

"But _you're_ an echo!" The words tumbled out of Charlotte's mouth before she could stop them. River's eyes widened and glistened slightly. Charlotte backtracked. "No, that's not what I meant. You're not an echo, well, you are, but you-"

"I'm real, Char. That's the problem. Even if I am an echo, I'd say that I'm a pretty damn good one becuase I can still feel what it's like to be away from them for a while. I'm here, and it hurts, and that's what matters. Even if I'm an echo, I still want this pain to _stop._ I need closure, I need this to be over with. I'm going to love him, no matter what state I'm in. And it's going to feel like someone's ripping out my heart every time I go to bed alone at night until I see him again. That's why, Char. That's why I can't stay. And maybe it is selfish. But that's not something I'm in the mood to think about now."

When River turned to look back at the child, she was gone.

\-----------------------

The Doctor's mind stopped.

What- what had just happened?

No, no, no. This was a dream or something. She didn't just- she wasn't _dead._

No. She couldn't be.

And maybe not, because her body wasn't there- well, then again, that could have easily turned her into dust.

But that couldn't happen. It just couldn't. She was- she _would_ be someone he loved and trusted- enough to tell her his name. She wasn't really dead. Maybe he'd saved her somehow. Yes, that was it. As soon as someone unlocked him from these stupid _bloody_ handcuffs he'd go and sonic the area and see if-if maybe something had happened. He didn't know, vortex manipulator, teleportation, whatever! He must have done _something._

He did, right?

He stared at the empty chair for another good 15 minutes before Donna's voice came through the air.

"Oi, Spaceman, pulling that teleport on me back there was _not_ a good idea! Now I'll never trust you when you tell me to- Doctor?" She ended softly as she came closer and looked at his current state.

Well, tears, a red face, and being handcuffed to a pole didn't suit anyone well.

"Why are you handcuffed to a pole?"

He had to do something.

This couldn't happen, he knew. He wouldn't let this happen. She was safe, somewhere, probably with an older version of himself and having an adventure. Or maybe she was-she was-

He suddenly heard his voice, raspy and quiet.

"She's gone."

\------------------

The irony was impressive, he had to say. When he thought about it, anyway.

He'd gotten so worked up over her not telling him about her parents. Not mentioning that they would die. That he wouldn't get to say goodbye to Amy.

All that seemed so _small_ in comparison to this.

He didn't even tell her that she was going to her own death.

Well, where did the 'Most Rubbish Husband of the Year' award go to?

Ha. And it was just that stupid, _stupid_ word.

Spoilers.

Seriously, though? Why didn't he just tell her? There were so many oppurtunities, really. He could've said some word of advice when she left on the shuttle. If not 'don't you dare sacrifice yourself for anyone', then a 'I don't want you to go on this one' would've sufficed. But no. He had to stick to his own rules and keep his mouth shut.

The shoe was certainly on the other foot, he mused. At one point he'd been so angry that she'd kept important spoilers that he'd left her and his newborn child while he went on top of a cloud and sulked for the longest time. But this-  _this_ was worse. The same basic idea of spoilers, but worse.

It was his own wife. She was walking off to her death, and he couldn't have stopped her? Surely he could've. It wasn't right, wasn't _fair_  that he got away with getting a temper when she kept the secret in New York, but she simply told him she loved him in a note.

What did he _do?_

Alright, about time for a change in tone, he decided. She _was_ getting out. She was. She could do it, and he knew it. This was River bloody Song. If anyone could do this, it was her.

So, time to think after this was over.

Well, no spoilers could certainly be a start. He was tired of the things, and he didn't want to hear the blasted word ever again. They'd do away with spoilers somehow. Maybe they'd make a promise to only visit their selves that hadn't had Brooke yet. That should keep them from using-or hearing- the word.

Sure. That'd work.

Now, she just had to come out before the shadows did so he could tell her.

\-------------

Upon seeing that Charlotte had left, probably angry after their row, River went to the Library database and searched a book up the old fashioned way.

After a moment she found where it was.

Walking slowly over to the shelf, she scanned the titles until she found what she was looking for.

She carried _Time Streams and their Uses_ back to her room. It was time to figure out if Kovarian had been telling the truth.


	13. Chapter 13

As Charlotte neared River's room, muffled bangs filled the air.

And as she got closer, those bangs turned into loud crashes, and she heard River cursing in another language.

So, naturally, when she opened the door it was quite cautiously and with her hands guarding her face. Death may have been impossible in this virtual world, but that didn't mean that they couldn't feel pain.

"River?"

The woman immediately stopped pacing and turned to face the girl. Her face softened when she saw her.

"Charlotte. I'm sorry. I'm just- really frustrated right now." River went back to her pacing. "It's just that- well, I thought it was over. I thought that, finally, I had the information and data and could go back. But no," she kicked at a box of books, hapazardly sitting in the middle of the room, "of course it wasn't that easy! Why would it e _ver_ be easy?

"I went to the book Kovarian told me to get," she continued, "read through it. And then, I got to the last chapter," River angrily kicked a coffee mug across the room, not seeming affected when it shattered against the other wall, "and what do I find? 'How to make the Perfect Assasin'. All perfectly explaining exactly how to make sure they could hit their mark. There would be absolutely no way for them to fail, then. The victim will get younger and younger, all the while giving more oppurtunity to get killed off. That's what it's been for this entire time, my whole life, so that there was no way I could _not_ kill him. Change their time stream, and train them to kill.

"Oh, she knows just what to do to me, doesn't she? Of course. Because what else would she have given me? Exactly the information I needed to get out and to go back and live a happy life? No. I still don't have that. Back to square one. I have absolutely no means of finding out how, and no way to get back to my family!"

And with that, River Song, the Doctor's wife, a noble warrior, and Empress to multiple planets, sat down on her bed and cried.

Charlotte, who had been standing sympathetically in the doorway throughout River's tirade, came in and sat down beside her, patting her back gently. "River," She began softly, "I know."

River looked up to her. "What?"

"I read it as soon as I knew the book title."

River nodded, silently, then turned back away to study her hands.

"You know, Charlotte," she said, "this has defined me for so long. I've always been back to front with everyone I love. I know, that I mostly talk about the Doctor, and how it's him that I'm back to front with, but it's not just him.

"It was my parents, too. I never realized how lucky I was for them to know me until that one day.. I looked into my father's eyes, and he barely even knew me. I was another one of the Doctor's friends, nothing more. Just another unimportant person when it came to his life. And then I kept going back...

"But this is the way my life has always been. I've known how it worked. Back to front, always. It's a part of me, really. Even if I could get out... What would I even be anymore?"

Charlotte bit her lip and stroked River's back gently. "River, I- I'm sorry. But the thing is, you'll figure it out. I know that. When you get out, you'll still be you. You'll just "

"And-" Charlotte paused. "I went back to Kovarian. Pulled her back out. I got her to tell me. The information's all back in my room."

River slowly straightened up to look at the girl. "What?"

"The data you wanted? I think it's in my room. I'm fairly positive it's the information you want, because it all looks very professional, and-"

"Wait, what?" River said again, "You got it? How?"

"Kovarian told me." Charlotte shrugged.

"She just told you? No, how'd you get it out of her?"

The small girl simply flashed her a quick smile. "I have my ways."

\---------------

* **Tenth Doctor***

He walked, silently, back to where River's diary sat.

It was a beautiful thing, really. TARDIS cover, and well-worn pages that he knew not only contained her life, but a large and important part of his.

He shoved all thoughts of picking it up away, and placed the screwdriver he'd just use to save her gently on top.

Would he, in the future, come back here to get it? When their story was over- would he pick it up to re-live in the past?

Would he do it today?

Probably. It was, of course, the first point in time that he could get it. In a few hours, the shadows would come back and would no doubt stay in this place for a long time before they slowly died off.

Maybe, when he came back, he'd have a plan.

That was a good sliver of hope to hold onto, he thought. An older him having a plan.

He'd have years to think one up. This time, now, while she was in the computer, was just giving an older him the time to think something up.

Yes. That had to be it.

He wasn't sure he could accept anything else.

She was safe, for now. Living happily, he hoped, in a virtual heaven. That wasn't such a bad place to be while waiting on him to think something up, was it?

\-------------

Charlotte entered the human plus' room again, a few hours after she'd brung all of the data in there.

"River?"

The woman looked up. "Oh, hey."

"Hi." She walked over and sat down on the floor beside her. "Listen... I think maybe we should talk."

River nodded, not turning to the girl.

"I just wanted to say... I'm sorry. About yesterday. I know you have a family out there, and a life and everything. I know you've got people who love you. It's just that...." she took a deep breath, "I don't really know what that's like. My family.... it was so long ago. I barely remember them at all, from before they put me here. I don't remember, or know what it's like, so I guess I just didn't understand, is all. But I know. You've got to leave me." She sniffled, and ran a hand across her face.

River turned around to her, and placed a hand under her chin to look her in the eyes. "Sweetie, it's not that I want to leave you. You're a great girl, and I- I'm sorry that I have to go. I'm sorry if I was being mean to you yesterday, too. I'm going to miss you."

Charlotte smiled sadlly. "I know. I was being selfsish yesterday... you've got to go back to your family. Speaking of which," she scooted closer and looked at what River was working on. "What have you found out?"

River's expression turned to a happy one. "A lot, actually! I found out the right formulas and everything I need. I should have it done soon.Better yet," she pointed to a page to the left, "I've found the formula and number code needed to add more artron energy to my physical signature. I should have at least 6 regenerations, maybe more."

"Alright. I'll leave you to it, then."

River smiled gratefully. "Thanks."

\----------------

Five hours later, River was standing in front of the computer and checking everything over once more. If anything went wrong, one number was off, then she could vanish, or die, or her very being could be changed.

So... yes, there were a few risks.

All she could do was hope she got it right.

\---------------

Finally, it was all done. Her physical signature was waiting for her, in the teleportation system. The numbers had been configured to her appearance, and (she hoped) there was quite a few years left for her when she got out, thanks to the artron energy.

Changing the time stream had been the most difficult challenge.

The information was so complex, it'd taken her about three hours just to get the correct digits down. It had to be reversed, and had to be linked to the time vortex... so therefore, had to be completely and totally exact. It was one of those formulas that had to be perfect or she could easily die.

But she'd gone over it once, twice, three times, and all seemed to be fine.

All she had to do was touch the button, and she'd be back where she belonged, or dead.

\--

What would life be liked when she got back? The Doctor, no doubt, thought she was dead. Would he even be there?

Because she wouldn't be able to go back with his younger self. Then she'd change the timeline, and there was no way in hell she'd take that risk.

No, she'd have to find some other way to get back. If her Doctor wasn't there... then what? She'd go, find some planet, and-heaven forbid- _settle_ -while she waited on a vortex manipulator to pop up for sale? She wasn't sure she'd last very long.

What would she say to the Doctor once she got out?

"Hey, honey! I know you thought I was dead, but... surprise!"

No, probably not. It'd probably involve a lot of kissing, then a slap, then her yelling, then- well, yes. Hopefully he wouldn't think she was a ghost.

What about the others? Would _they_ want to leave? Should she offer?

They'd be putting their lives into her hands. Heck, she wasn't sure she could get herself out, much less four other people.

But she'd ask, anyway. It didn't seem right just to leave them in there when they might hate it as much as she did.

And Charlotte... the girl had been there, the whole time. From the beginning, when she'd come up to her, she'd always felt a strong connection. She wasn't lying. She really didn't want to leave her. She'd become almost another daughter to her in the time she'd been in the Library... and leaving her wasn't going to be easy.

The others would have to look after her. She'd talk to them, make sure that they'd care for her.

She had to go talk to them before she left.

\---------

"Anita, Other Dave," River said, pulling the pair into a hug, "I'm going to miss you. You two be happy here, okay?"

"We will, Professor." Anita assured her mentor, tears in her eyes, "That Doctor better treat you right."

River grinned at that, feeling her eyes begin to well up as well. "I'm sure he will." She turned to Proper Dave and Miss Evangelista, hugging them each as well. "You take good care of the children, now." She nodded to the twins, "and you two take care of them, alright?" The little ones nodded, and rushed to her side before throwing arms around her waist.

She pressed a kiss to each of their foreheads before stepping back, so she could see all of them.

"Listen," she hesitated a moment, "If someone wants to leave, they can. I can do it. But... it's dangerous. It'll be you risking your life, and it'll take some time. Does anyone want to leave?"

They all, to River's relief, shook their heads no.

"River," Anita began, "I think we're all happy here. We have each other, and the children to look after, all the while going to any adventure we could possibly imagine. You go, live your life."

She smiled at her, and hugged her once more, before turning to the person that would be the hardest to say goodbye to: Charlotte.

The poor girl was holding back tears, and a small sniffle escaped from her. "Oh, honey," River knelt down beside her. "Charlotte, it's alright, love. You'll be fine. You're going to live with Anita and Other Dave now, remember? They'll watch after you. You know that, right?"

"Yes, I do." She sighed. "I'm just- I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." She pulled her into a tight hug. "But I'll visit, remember? I can connect the TARDIS scanner to the mainframe, and then we can talk all the time on the telly, yeah?"

"Yeah." The child nodded into her shoulder. "But you have to come talk every single day, okay?"

"I will." She promised. "You'll get to properly meet my daughter now, too. She can be there."

"Okay. River- I just- I love you."

"Oh, sweetie," The older woman said, a tear streaking across her face, "I love you too."

Charlotte pulled out of the embrace and nodded to the computer. "I think it's time."

River nodded, trying to pull herself together. "Yes, I think so."

\--------

His legs ached. His back hurt. He was pretty sure his neck was having a fist fight with the base of his skull.

The Doctor stood up and stretche his arms, sighing. He needed to walk around some.

Then he heard the TARDIS- only, that wasn't the TARDIS because he- oh. That was Donna and his younger self leaving, right after he'd laid down- oh. Oh!

There were only about 45 people left, now, and he easily manuvered around the line to go back to the place.

The place where her diary was sitting, like a small blue monument that showed she was there. He picked it up, tenderly, and carried it back to his chair.

The well-worn cover was smooth against his palm, and the yellowed pages a sharp contrast to the blue. He ran his thumb over the corner, tempted to open it, to read the forbidden entries.

But River- she'd be angry. Reading it... that was something she didn't want him to do.

There was so little hope left, now. The number of people in the room was slowly trickling down, and the shadows would be out soon. She'd be lost to him forever, trapped in a virtual prison.

He didn't even realize he was crying until a tear hit his hand.

He stood up. It was time to leave now. She wasn't coming back.

He turned, and started the walk back to the TARDIS.


	14. Chapter 14

He hadn't even made two steps before there was a white flash of light coming from behind him.

"And what sort of time do you call this?"

He whirled around, mouth hanging open at the familiar voice.

Sure enough-it was her.

It was her.

 It was _definitely_ her. There was no faking that hair.

He'd read somewhere and- knew that in movies in a circumstance like this, time seemed to slow. Or stop. Whatever. He'd never believed it, of course, because that's just not how it worked. No, when you meet a loved one again- it's fast.

You're running, they're running, and it's a jumbled mess of words and comfort and-usually-tears.

This was no exception.

He shoves her diary into his pocket, vaguely aware of the sound of it _thumping_ against her sonic, then crosses the distance in a stride to pull his wife to him.

He peppers her face with kisses, whispering how worried he was, that he was _so so sorry_ , then finally notices that his wife isn't wearing a whole lot.

In fact, she is in a black bra and knickers-and that's it.

He pulls back to look down at her. "You did that on purpose, did you?"

He realizes that those are horride first words after the recent events, but simply beams at her.

She's here.

She shrugs, and pulled his head down to hers for a slow, languid kiss.

He parts from her gently, then tugs her into him, curls tickling the bottom of his chin. He sighs, breathing her in. She doesn't smell like she usually does- at the moment, she smells slightly of electricity from the process, but there is still that underlying scent that is purely _her._

She is here. She's here, in his arms, safe again.

Nothing was going to even _think_ about keeping her away from him again.

They stand there for a long while, just breathing each other in, listening to their combined heartbeats, and enjoying the _thereness_ of the other.

His mind can't really think anything through, not now. All he can think is that she's back, she's safe, she's alive and breathing and their daughter _will_ have a mother to care for her as she grows. _She's here she's here she's here she's here_ goes through his mind repeatedly.

The Doctor is the first to move, noticing that many of the men in line for the teleport are eying his wife hungrily. He pulls away, only to catch her again when she stumbles forward, losing her balance.

His brow furrows. Of course-she's exhausted. Anyone would be, after that- transferring conciousness back into flesh.

He puts his hands on his arms, to steady her, and gives her a reassuring smile. "I've got you." He murmurs, keeping a hand on her as he tugs his jacket off and helps her into it.

She smiles her thanks as she slides her arm into it. "I probably should have thought the clothing bit through a bit more."

"Yeah." He pulls her into him once more. He didn't feel like doing anything at the moment- he just wants to hold her. _Needs_ to hold her.

After what seems like an eternity, the Doctor whispers, "Let's go home."

River nods her assent, and smiles at him. "Home."

\----

They walk, arms around each other, to the TARDIS.

Well, mostly. He notices after a few feet her leaning onto him much more than she usually does, and leans down to put an arm under her knee and sweeping her up to his chest. River, of course, immediately protests and smacks his arm, informing him that she is _perfectly_ capable of walking, thank you very much, and will _not_ be carried around like some puppy.

He rolls his eyes and mumbles a 'yes, dear' under his breath, but doesn't set her down.

She gives up a moment later, giving him another smack before begrudgingly complaining some more.

They're at the TARDIS in a moment, and River sighs in relief.

She's home.

But-no, there's something wrong.

What is it?

She can't place the feeling that is washing over her from the TARDIS. The bond between them is strong, and she'd usually be able to tell immediately what the TARDIS is feeling, but this time it takes her a moment.

And she realizes- it's guilt. The TARDIS feels guilty.

No wonder she couldn't place it- the TARDIS never projects guilt. Amusement, love, once sadness, but guilt-that's not one of them.

Apparently it is now.

She dismisses it for the moment, though, because the Doctor is questioning her-she's not paying attention-, setting her down in a chair in the kitchen, and running a hand through her hair. She comes close to humming, but catches herself and instead turns to glare at him.

He beams, too giddy to do anthing else, and nearly skips to the kettle to pour some tea. "How'd you get out, River? I couldn't figure it out myself. I spent a while working on that, you know? And I couldn't come up with it. Did you use the teleport? Did you have to put in your physical signature? Ooh, how'd you do that? I know that must have been difficult to come up with, I-"

He continues to prattle on, unaware of her growing anger.

She was happy, for a moment back there, to simply enjoy having him there again, but now- now it all comes back.

She'd been in there-for _months-_ worried that she'd never get out, wondering if she'd see her family again, be able to hold her child close for a hug. She'd thought she'd stay in there forever, simply pining over the people she couldn't reach. She wasn't at all prepared to leave the day she'd went into the Library-in fact, just the opposite. She was happy with her life, eager to get back after the expedition was over. And then she was suddenly hit with this huge responsibility, put into a living hell of knowledge that she had very little chance of ever seeing her family again- it was a lot.

She was furious, somedays in there, at her husband. She'd spend whole days in a bad mood, knocking things over in her room. He didn't tell her- didn't warn her, so she could at least make plans, tell everyone goodbye- be _prepared._

So when the Doctor walks over, holding out a cup of tea, she stands abruptly and slaps him.

His head snaps sideways from the impact, and the cup falls on the floor, shattering, spilling tea on both of them. He looks at her, confused. "River-?"

"No. You- you just hold on. Hold it right there. This isn't how this is going to happen, I-" She runs a hand through messy curls, vaguely aware of how fast her heart rate is from anger. "You let me go, without a word, to my death, yes? Which is probably the worst part for you, but- ugh!" Her face is red now, vision seeing red. "You won't think about _you,_ though! Won't think about how it'll affect your lives, affect our daughter! I could have been gone- easily, been gone, and Brooke would grow up with a father who sulked the better part of a decade- don't give me that _look,_ you would've- and would grow up with you being guilt ridden, and thinking that you- that I- without me, without me even doing anything for her, to prepare her, or-or anything! You refuse to think about how hard it will be for you, how it'll affect our _daughter,_ instead not telling me because it'll be too painful? _No!  
_

"I spent-God, I don't even _know_ how long in that database, constantly thinking about you two, never knowing if I'd see you again! You could've told me, could've let me prepare- we could've- I don't know, done _something!_ You're not a _hero,_ I don't expect you to be, you can't just dramatize things when it could hurt!"

The Doctor, who has stayed silent during her tirade, finally looks up at her. "River," he begins softly, "I know. I know, it might have been better if I told you, but- but I couldn't risk anything. You told me, in the Library, not to change a line, yeah? I didn't. I couldn't. If I could-I don't know, change it, make it so I died there, I wouldn't. Maybe that's selfish. But it was our life, and I'm glad we didn't miss out on it."

River's hard exterior is crumbling, she knows, and she can feel herself go soft at his words.

"We wouldn't have known each other, wouldn't have fallen in love, and we wouldn't have Brooke. I was afraid, River- I didn't want to give that life up."

She nods slowly, appearing to understand at least some of what he is saying, and doens't pull away from him when he kisses her.

She sags against him again, and he once again realizes how tired she is.

"River, come on. You need to get some rest." He puts an arm around her waist, and she bats him away, refusing. "No, no I don't, I'm fine! God, stop mothering me-hey!" She shouts when he picks her up again. "Put me down! I'm _not_ going to sleep!"

"You know as well as I do that you need to rest, River." The Doctor says, tightening his grip on her as they near their bedroom door.

"No, but- you don't understand." River says, voice slipping slightly. "Charlotte- I told Charlotte that I'd talk to her again. I told her I'd connect the TARDIS and the mainframe- she'll think- no, I've got to talk to her, Doctor! Put me down!"

He pushes the door open with his shoulder, and lays her down on the bed. She protests some more, smacking him every once and a while to prove her point. He simply takes it, wisely choosing not to argue with his wife, and helps her under the covers. "You can talk to her when you wake up, yeah? It'll be fine, you can talk to her then, I promise." He brushes a stray curl behind her ear. 

"No, but-" River sighs, struggling to stay awake- it'd taken a lot out of her- "she'll worry. I told her I'd talk to her as soon as I could, and-"

"River," the Doctor soothes, "she'll be fine."

"You don't understand, she's-she's like a daughter to me, she's like Brooke. I can't abandon her, not after all the time she's been there for me. I can't-" Her eyelids flutter, "I can't."

The Doctor is, admittedly, surprised. River's become close to the little girl. "It'll be okay. i'll tell you what-how about I hook it up, and then I'll tell her you're sleeping, hm?"  

He sits beside her, watches her nod and slip into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is! Yay, right? 
> 
> A- feel free to fangirl crazily in the comments about recent episodes. It will be appreciated. 
> 
> B- y'all know I got the scripts a while back, yes? (please don't tell me I'm a terrible fan for reading them! It's like reading a book before watching the movie for me, okay? thank you.) I'm not going to spoil the episode next week-duh-but I do want to tell you one thing. There will be something there- ahh. Aslgjad;asfdl. It's big. It's amazing. You'll want to scream and cry and quite possibly run around outside and scream to random people about it. It's just one scene in there- but oh, Lord. I suppose this could count as a spoiler, though it's vague- it's a 'peek into the past'. 
> 
> Yeah. It's good. 
> 
> I can't tell you anything else, though. Don't want to spoil the episode. So yeah.


	15. Chapter 15

It takes longer than he expects it to, hooking up the mainframe. He has to connect all sorts of cords and enter in coordinates (which he does a total of three times- he is admittedly not good with them) and find the correct frequency to get _inside_ the mainframe.

It takes him at least half an hour to figure it out. When he does, he sees the image he saw on that Library computer so long ago- the living room. He doesn't see anyone in there.

"Um, hello? Is there anyone there? I need to speak to Charlotte-" He doesn't even finish his sentence before the young girl is there, rushing to the screen. "Hello? Do you know River Song? Is she okay? Where is she? I really need to talk to her, it's important-" She talking ridiculously fast-even for him- stumbling over her words.

"What? Yes, she's fine! A little sleepy, granted. She's sleeping in our room right now. I forced her to rest. Not without fight, obviously, she insisted she had to talk to you. So I hooked it up instead." He watches her eyes relax, eyes cease to show the frantic worry it had moments before.

"Oh, that's good. I was- well, we were all scared to death. She said it could be- that it could be dangerous." Suddenly her eyebrows furrow, "Wait a second- who are you?"

He chuckles. Some things never get old.

"I'm the Doctor- new face, you see. Had a nasty hit of radiation that made me change."

Surprisingly enough, shock doesn't cross her face as much as recognition does. "Oh, yeah, that's right! River mentioned something about that one time. You changing faces. I didn't really understand it. Still a bit confused, but I think I get the general idea. You're the same man that talked to me in the Library?"

"Yep." He smiles at the young girl, and she giggles.

"Sorry if I came off as demanding, or-or rude, there in the beginning. River was- _is_ \- like a mother to me, really. I was so alone before she came. Which really is saying something, considering all the people with me. I had a nice dad then. But even he was just my imagination. When he was gone- I finally understood who I was. I was myself. And that was it. No one else. Just me. I'm only a machine, right?

"But then River came," tears are started to well in those big eyes, emotion pouring into her words, "and she was real. She really was a friend to me, not some fake thing I'd imagined for myself. It was something I could _really_ have. But, it wasn't just that. She was alone too. Her family wasn't there anymore, just like mine. Not that it wasn't different, because it was, but- but it was just that we both felt like there wasn't anyone to go to. She didn't have a way to go to you yet, I knew I'd never see mine again- I don't know. We were- she was so good to me. I miss her already." She sniffles once more, and looks away.

He blinks once, then again, a sudden wave of guilt washing over him so much so that it's almost a tangible thing- bitter, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. Did she really feel that way? Had he really done that to her?

Yes. The answer was almost certainly yes.

 _There was no other way._ He reasons, _If I told her it could have ruined everything. It could change history, mess up time._ But still- she'd risked history, time, when she thought he would die. She hadn't stood there and done nothing when she knew he would die if she didn't. So why had he? _Because you're an arse._

Well, he couldn't argue with that.

It hurt to think about, though, now that he thought about it this way. She would rather herself die, the _universe_ die than let him die. Was it selfish of her? Absolutely. Very much so. But she loved him _that_ much. Had he done the right thing, not telling her?

He thinks he did. Did he, though? All that time, could've been spent-

Time.

Wait.

_Time._

He distinctly remembers her saying it- River- as she was fighting to talk to Charlotte- _"all the time she's been there for me"_.

"Charlotte?" He starts, tentatively. He isn't sure he wants his question answers. If he can even bear the answer.

"Yes?"

"How-how long was it? For River? How long passed?"

The little girl-wise beyond her years, forged through loneliness and sadness-sighs and looks away, as if she doesn't quite want to meet his eyes. "Doctor, you do know- it's all a manner of perception. Time is so-it's difficult, it's strange in there. Everyone- time is different. It's almost like it adapts to your perception of it. Some people, it's like no time passes. They're usually the happy ones. And then sometimes-" She bites her lip, "some people are lonely, and sad, and miserable. So it feels like longer for them. It's so much longer. It drags out. It can be like normal time, in a way, but it can mess with your head."

The Doctor could understand it-maybe not completely, but the gist was clear. But still. "Charlotte, what was the mainframe-the virtual, inside, technical recorded time?"

She doesn't want to answer; he doesn't blame her. He isn't the easiest to deal with.

"2 years."

2 years.

2 years? That can't be right..

No, no. There's no way, time isn't that quick- it was only a few hours.

It couldn't have been.

Even as he denies it, he knows it's true. The way River greeted him... that wasn't the way a woman greets her husband after a couple of months away.. That was the desperation of a woman who waited too long to get her family back.

And it was even worse for her.

Like Charlotte had said, it was different for everyone. Some people, it seemed to drag on forever. Those sad, those lonely...

The bond between a mother and a child, he knows, is the strongest there is. The strongest. It can't be denied. Mothers have a natural need, a pull, an _obligation_ to be there for their child. And River.. River was away from Brooke for _two years._ Which felt like longer.

Add this ridiculously large chunk to the shelf of things he owes River for.

He looks back to Charlotte, sending her a comforting smile. "Thanks. For being there for her."

She shakes her head. "No, Doctor. She was there for me."

\--------

As he enters their bedroom, he makes a decision: he will not think of any guilt tonight. He will not brood tonight. He won't feel any sadness.

Tongiht, he is going to enjoy having his wife safe in his arms.

He gently pulls up the duvet and slides in next to her. She murmurs something in her sleep, and he pulls her against him, resting his head above hers. He's happy, for the first time since he can't remember. Happy. It seems like such a foreign emotion, and one that doesn't quite cover all of what he's feeling. What word could possibly fit all of it into a small amount of space?

He feels River shift once, feels her breath ghosting over his chest. "Goodnight." She whispers.

Then he realizes, he finds a word: home.


	16. Chapter 16

River wakes curled around her husband, an arm slung around his waist with one of his gangly ones around her shoulder. She yawns, and smiles down at his sleeping face.

 

She'd dreamed of this sometimes in the Library. Of waking up next to him again, seeing his peaceful visage, feeling his arms around her. There's just something special about waking up next to the man you love, seeing him at his most vulnerable. The worst part was when she woke and realized she was wrapped around a blanket.

 

So she pinches herself, just to make sure.

 

She lays her head down on his chest, feeling the healthy _thump thump thump thump_ beneath her ear. And stills, smiling. "I know you're awake."

 

He pops an eye open, and grins, looking at her. "How?"

 

She grins slyly, and runs a hand up his chest. "Might want to control the abnormally fast heart rate around me, dear, if you don't want me to know when you're awake." He just sort of huffs at her, grumbling under his breath-it sounds like something along the lines of _"insufferable woman"_ , before she leans down to shut him up. She brings a hand up to his cheek as she kisses him, and feels him wince. Alarmed, she pulls back.

 

"Sweetie? Are you-oh." A bruise has formed on his cheek, a red line running across his cheekbone.

 

"Sorry, honey." She says sheepishly, running a gentle finger around the mark. "Didn't mean to nick you there."

 

"Yes, your slaps do tend to sting." He smiles as he bops her nose. "Guess you can't call me Pretty Boy for a while, eh?" A mischevious grin spreads across his face.

 

She murmurs her agreement and leans down again, placing her whole hand on the side of his face, kissing him softly.

 

It takes him a second to realize exactly what's happening-what that warm glow is, what the pleasant tingly feeling of gold running through him is. When he does, he pulls back, looking at his wife in awe as she smooths her hand over his newly-healed face.

 

"River-you.. you..." He says, eyes widened and brain reeling.

 

"Yes, I did manage to figure it out. Didn't know if I'd be able to do it from inside the Library. Apparently it worked. I must say, there is something special about making out while you're giving regeneration energy. That was better than the first time."

 

He doesn't reply for a moment, just gapes at her, realizing all the time she has left, the things they can do, how it'll all work, how Brooke really will have a mother for quite a long time- it's a lot to take in, and frankly, he'd prefer to do this thinking while kissing his back-from-the-dead Time Lady wife. So he does.

 

She'll regenerate. She'll _live._  


 

The Doctor draws back gently. "Are you saying my kisses aren't enough anymore?" He asks, teasing.

 

"I don't remember saying that." She grins, kissing him again to prove her point.

 

She's missed this. More than she thought she had. Pointless cuddles in the mornings, flirting and teasing him just because she could. Gentle kisses shared before getting out of the bed to face the day. This meant so much.

 

 "You know I was looking forward to all the attention I was going to get." He has an adorable pout on his face, bottom lip sticking out as he looks at her. He rubs his cheek, then does an exaggerated wince, looking up at her.

 

She rolls her eyes. "I If you like, I can give all of these things back. So from now on I can just give you the attention instead of fixing it?"

 

"No, I think this'll be fine." He grumbles into the skin of her neck.

 

"Mhm."

 

He rolls his eyes at her smug look and says, "I talked to Charlotte while you were out."

 

"Oh?" Suddenly her eyes are attentive and she's tense. "How did that go? Is she okay?"

 

"She's fine. Happy to know you're alive, you know. Really going to miss you."

She looks away for a moment. "I'll certainly miss her." She murmurs.

 

"River-" The Doctor shifts, suddenly a little uncomfortable. "I-uh, talking to Charlotte, I found out how-well, how long it felt like in there," He watches her expression, looking for any signs, "she said that, virtually, it was two years."

 

She doesn't reply.

 

"I'm so sorry, River. I- I didn't know how long it was, didn't know what an idiot I am, didn't know how to get you out, I was scared half to death that I'd never see you again, that Brooke would grow up without her mother- I am sorry."

 

"Honey, it's fine."

 

"I _left_ you in there!"

 

"You had no other choice!"

 

"And were you happy in there? Was that any kind of life?"

 

He'd left her in there- for years. No family. Just co-workers and a young girl-who, though had helped her, was not enough to make up for the length of time she'd stayed in there. It was his fault. He hadn't stopped to think while he still had her with him. Maybe, just maybe, if he'd been thinking about it before Darillium, trying to find a way, he would have. She wouldn't have gone through this pain.

 

The expression of self-loathing he has on is one she recognizes-it's slipped across his face at random times, much more often than he'd had her believe, before he put the facade back on. She'd seen it many, many time before she left.

 

Now she knows why.

 

"You didn't know at the time. My love, I forgive you. I will always forgive you. There is nothing you can do to change what's happened. Even if I didn't forgive you-which I do-it's not like apologizing or beating yourself up over it will help at all. Sometimes the past needs to be... in the past."

 

She knows that this has worn down on him, has hurt him. She knows he physically hurts knowing that she was in there that long, that she was without family for that long. When he apologizes, he means it. This is no exception.

 

He slowly exhales, and nods.

 

River rolls over, back to wrapping herself around him. "Now, we have a better past-time to get to, hm?"

\------

"So, plan, today." He says, tugging at her hair. Honestly, he doesn't know how he ever survived without it. It was so beautiful and gorgeous. It made him want to actually taste the golden silk curls- even when he knew it wasn't a good idea. He could write sonnets. Playing with her hair kept him sane. It reminded him that simple things could be amazing, too. Like the way the curls bounced back to their original state even after-

 

River slaps his hand away. "I need to speak to Charlotte, shower, and then we can go get Brooke, yeah?" She slaps his hand away from where it had gravitated yet again, "God, maybe I should just find an identical wig for you. Wouldn't pull my hair out, at least."

 

"No, it wouldn't be the same. Your hair is magic, River."

 

"It's really not."

 

"Have you looked in the mirror lately?"

 

"It looks like a greasy rat nest."

 

"It really doesn't."

 

"It does."

 

"No, it looks like a sort of halo that glows, except it's curly and surrounds your head. Like a mane. Except sexier and feminine. Does that make sense?"

 

"No."

 

"Well, it looks fine. Nothing compares."'

 

"Whatever, sweetie. Just stop," She pinches his finger, which has a curl wound around it, "messing with it."

\----------

The Doctor opted to take a shower right after she did (well, she says _after..),_ so he's still washing up. After she and Charlotte talked, they'd go get Brooke.

 

 As she walks into the control room, another wave of shame hits her, emanating from the TARDIS. River rubs a worried hand over the console, making a note to look into it as soon as she can.

 

She plugs up the monitor then, finding the same wavelength the Doctor did to connect her to Charlotte.She tugs the screen around, pulling it to rest right above the TARDIS screen. After a moment, the screen clears, and she sees Charlotte's living room again, the little girl fast asleep on the couch, an arm slung over a  black Lab beside her.

 

She breathes a sigh of relief. She's there. Nothing's happened to her while she was gone. While it was slightly irrational to worry about her-after all, she _was_ technically a computer in an empty Library that could run forever- it was still good to see her.

 

It strikes her that what she feels now, missing the girl, feels nearly the same as she had felt missing Brooke. Charlotte wasn't just someone River would chat with everynow and then. She'd be talking to her everyday, telling her she missed her and staying up hours of the night to talk about what they did that day.

 

The sleeping girl twitches on the sofa, and River snaps out of her thoughts.

 

"Charlotte?" River says, looking at the dog. She usually didn't have animals in the Library. Not pets, anyway. "Charlotte."

 

She startles on the couch, head snapping up and looking at the screen.

 

"Hello, dear." River smiles. "I've missed you."

 

"River!" She hurries to sit up and run closer. Charlotte rubs her eyes. "I missed you so much! I met the Doctor, and he said you were okay, and you really do look great! Where's Brooke? Is she with you? Can I meet her? Where's the Doctor? Is he there? Oh! River! I got a dog!" She fumbles out in one breath, bending down to pet the Lab that woke up with her. "His name is Rory! What do you think?"

 

There is a certain pang that stabs at her heart, and she knows it's stupid.. She was replaced by a dog? After everything they'd been through, all the time they'd spent together-Charlotte was practically a daughter to her- she'd been replaced. By a dog.

 

Just as quickly, she shoves the thought away. Her subconscious is being irrational. It was just a girl in need of comfort. The dog could be good for her. Someone else to love, to hold, when holding the Library inside her head was too much. She needed someone, and River was glad she'd found it.

\------

Above them, at the top of the stairs, the Doctor smiles down at the sight of the two happily conversing. He knew the two had a strong bond- but this- this is so much more. They've missed each other a lot-even in the short period of time she's been gone. They were in there two years together-more than enough time to form a special friendship, yes-but Charlotte really is like a daughter to River. She smiles at her the same way, that softness in her eyes present, looking at her like every word she says is important and cherished.

 

It's beautiful.

 

He turns his attention back to their conversation.

 

River smiles gently at the girl. "He's lovely, dear. When did you get him?"

 

Charlotte smiles, rubbing the dog's ears. She has certainly missed River-quite a lot. She was a mother figure, a loving set of arms to go to when it felt like too much. She'd been there for her, just as Charlotte had tried to be there for River. Honestly, she didn't think the other woman would ever leave. She'd heard that River had died, then been put in-they all had. Where could she go? But there had been a way out. And though Charlotte was sad to lose her, she understood the concept of love, and she knew there was no force stronger in the universe than a mother's love for her child.

 

River is mentally thanking the Doctor for soothing her fears about Charlotte. The girl was fine-and maybe even on the road to happiness. Her expression was certainly one of longing, but she was also still stroking Rory. She would be fine.

 

"Well, it was Other Dave's idea. I was really sad after you left, because I didn't know if you were ok, so he said that I needed another friend. And then the Doctor called and said you were alright, and I was really happy, so I made him anyway. Isn't he gorgeous?"

 

River can't help but grin at her. She was terrified, for a moment at the beginning, that Charlotte wouldn't even want to speak to her- had changed her mind since River had left. Maybe that she would hate her for leaving her there. But she's happy, smiling, already with a new friend. She forgets how much Charlotte has been through. That before she was this sometimes wise-beyond-her years computer with feelings, she was a young girl with a terminal illness who was forced to be brave beyond comprehension at a terrible age. Charlotte is anything but weak.

 

"Very, sweetie." River replies.

 

"Oh, right! Where's Brooke?"

 

"She's still with my brother. We'll go get her soon, and then you can see her. How's that sound?"

 

"Great! I can't wait to meet her. I'm really glad to just see your face," Charlotte confesses, "see you for myself and know you're okay. I was really worried about you until the Doctor called. Is he with you?"

 

River glances around. He's still not in there. He must've prolonged his shower so that they could have a little privacy. She mentally thanks her husband once again.

"Um, no. He's in the shower."

 

"Oh, okay. He's really nice. I like his new face," Looking around River for a moment, and not seeing him, she then whispers conspiratially, "but where are his eyebrows? Did he burn them off or something?"

 

 The older woman laughs, rolling her eyes. "They're just delicate." She decides to go with _his_ explanation. The real one involves a complicated visit to an alien planet, but he prefers she not share that information.

 

The girl raises an eyebrow at the probably mischevious look on her face, but doesn't comment further. "Sure. And the chin?"

 

"Oi! This is a beautiful chin!" The Doctor pipes up indignantly.

 

Charlotte snorts as the Doctor bounds down the steps, dressed in his purple tweed, long legs quickly bringing him to the console. "Yes, of course it is." She teases.

 

He 'hmph's, but he's hiding a smile as he types in coordinates. "Hello to you too, Charlotte."

 

"It's not that horrible. At least Brooke didn't get it, though. _That_ would be a travesty." River smiles at him, and he rolls his eyes as he throws the lever.

 

"You love it. Ready to see Brooke then, Charlotte?" He asks the girl on the screen.

 

"Absolutely." She smiles at him.

 

"Good. So am I." He tosses the last lever, then waits expectantly.

 

The TARDIS thrums into gear as usual, the rings in the centerpiece beginning to move.

 

"She'll love you," River says, smiling at the screen. "It'll be-"

 

 

A loud grinding noise emanating above their heads interrupts, and the centerpiece stops suddenly. A flash of smoke pops up right in front of the Doctor, and he jumps back to avoid getting singed by the small fire.

He squeaks loudly, and starts fanning it, as River tugs open a panel nearby and grabs the fire extinguisher and the floor shakes beneath them. Seconds later, white foam covers the console- and the Doctor.

 

"What the _hell_ was that?"

 

"I don't know!" The Doctor replies, pulling his sonic out of his pocket to run a diagnostic

.

Charlotte, still onscreen, is sending a frightened look River's way. Then, without being provoked, nods slowly and her lips curl up into a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and comments always appreciated! :)


	17. Chapter 17

"Charlotte?" River questions the young girl, as she throws levers and tries to find out the source of the problem, "What's going on? Have you done something?"

"What? Oh, no," The girl replies, and the Doctor sighs in relief. The creepy smile wasn't a traitorous one. That was scary. "the TARDIS. She's just talking to me, in my head. She's the one doing this."

"Ah," the Doctor says, "interesting. How's she doing that? Computer coding or something translating signals?"

"I don't know. I can just hear her."

"Charlotte, where is she going?" River says, glancing at the Doctor as if to remind him to focus.

But Charlotte isn't answering. She doesn't appear to even hear her. After a moment, she shakes her head. "She wants to show you something, on the console screen."

"Show us wh-" The Doctor begins, but is cut off by the screen.

It's him.

Well, not this him. A different him. An older, grayer, _wrinklier_ him.

The original.

And Susan, of course, sneaking around with him, walking up to a TARDIS with him. He watches himself eye it, open it, and then, of course, his Impossible Girl standing there. "Don't steal _that_ one. Steal this one. Navigation system's knackered, but you'll have much more fun." She says on screen.

The Doctor-the young Doctor- raises his eyebrow and comes over to inspect it and enter with Susan. Within seconds, it disappears.

The screen freezes, and they look up  at Charlotte. "What's going on?" River asks, "What's She trying to do here?"

"She wants to tell you something. In words. She asked me to do it, while our connection is going on and she can, I guess."

"Tell us what?"

"Hold on- I think.. I think She's trying to show you something else."

Sure enough, a moment later the screen is playing again.

It's him and Susan again, looking at the manual (well, Susan is looking at the manual. He's mostly arguing about how he _can operate a TARDIS,_ thank you very much, just because he didn't pass the test doesn't mean he doesn't know how to work it, there's absolutely no need for a bloody manual). Susan rolls her eyes at him, ignoring his rant. There's movement behind them on the screen that catches River's attention.

Tall, grotesque creatures in ragged black suits are entering, going up to the console. Neither the young Doctor nor Susan notice anything, and River watches, eyes riveted, as one bends down to open a panel on the bottom, and the other pulls out a small metal canister.

"Isn't that-"

"where the artron energy is stored." The Doctor finishes beside her, not pulling his gaze away.

The Silent by the panel pulls something out of his pocket-the picture is grainy, so it's not clear what-, and reaches into the opening. A moment later, he takes it back out, replaces the panel, and gives what looks like some sort of syringe to the other standing there, who places it within the metal canister. Then, they simply leave.

All the while, neither Galifreyan on screen notices a thing.

——-

 "That was when you stole the TARDIS." River states.

"Yeah." The Doctor replies, not moving from the position he's been in since the video ended-leaning against the rail, staring at the ground, as if it had done him some great wrong.

River presses her fingers to her temples, mentally going through what she's seen. _Silence stealing artron energy. On Galifrey. From the Doctor's TARDIS. Any other, they could've chosen. Why her? Why steal it in the first place?_

Charlotte interrupts her thoughts. "River, she's trying to tell me something."

"The TARDIS? What is it?"

"She-" The girl hesitates, looking unsure of herself. "she wants to say she's sorry."

"What?" The Doctor asks, eyes crinkling.

"She says.. she says she saw them steal it, centuries ago, and could've stopped them. She knew what it was for.. and who-who was using it, but she didn't tell you. She knew the Legs would be taken from you and that her baby would have the artron energy used against her, that she would be engineered to kill the Doctor, that when she grew up it would cause her great grief, pain.. sorrow," Charlotte says, looking straight ahead, almost in a trance-like state,

"And she knew her baby wouldn't have her human parents, that they wouldn't even know her. She knew she'd be kidnapped just when she felt safe, and that even after that was solved and she had her own water _(small bundle, glowing with her power, with her mother's, raw time swirling through her veins, laughter, growth)_ , she'd leave again. Go to the Library. But she kept silent. She couldn't tangle the time lines any further, destroy them-but she ruined your life. All of your pain could be avoided." Charlotte turns her gaze, hot as coals, to look into River's eyes, look into her being, it feels _(her golden presence, tangling through her daughter's, twisting, pulling, guiding)_. "She is your mother. She should've cared for you. Should've helped you, as a mother does. But these things had to come to pass. But you, her daughter..." Suddenly the young girl is tense, eyes closed, concentrating, "...you've changed it. You married her thief, you have defeated death, if only for the rest of your lifetime. When her thief brought you in again.. she had to tell you. She needs you to know.

"She wants to know if you can... forgive her." Charlotte is, once again, resuming a almost blank countenance for a second, so much so that it appears as if she's unaware she's even speaking, "That's why she did all this. She wants you to know and understand. She's to blame. And her Water.. River, her River, can no longer give her child the care she deserves. She can't give her all she would have been able to. She has a place to take you. You can be healed."

The Doctor looks at his wife. "River? Is there something wrong?"

The archaeologist bites her lip and closes her eyes. "I had suspected, earlier, but I didn't know for sure.."

"What? What is it?"

"I was in the shower.. Doctor, I can't- I can't feed Brooke. Something I did, in the coding, I supposed..." She trails off,  looking into the screen. She knew it could change a lot. You couldn't exactly go to the store and ask for Galifreyan baby formula. What could match that of a biologically formed, natural nutrient-filled sustenance a mother could give?  She said she could help, River reminded herself. It would be fine. They could do this.

"but it's not your fault, Old Girl," River says, "and for whatever you've kept from us, you're forgiven. Always."

The secrets had, admittedly, hurt. She couldn't help but think of what would've happened if her parents were still here-if she'd been warned, if they would have Brooke over on weekends and have Sunday dinners with the family and brunch once a week.

But oh, she can _see_ it- see the complicated golden web of timelines and choices and outcomes and people and _oh_ it's all so overwhelming- it seems impossible to untangle, to understand. Yet she has a feeling she should.

Nevertheless, what needed to be done was done.

The TARDIS may have played a part in all this (of course, she twisted and twined around every second in time), but as was the usual- it was nothing that wasn't good in the end. She had done what had she thought best, and what she had to do. There was no shame in it, nor an apology required. While it had been a difficult road-fine,  a twisting, grueling, pain-filled road-it was worth it. Brooke, the Doctor, Charlotte- if there wasn't any pain, she wouldn't have what she has now.

_That_ she wouldn't be able to stand. She would do it again.

The Doctor glances at his wife, trying to see through the steady façade she always has. It's difficult now, even after years of practice, seeing through it. He detects the flash of pain, and the softness her eyes take on as she forgives the Old Girl.

He, on the other hand- looks at it the way he's had to for hundreds of years. He can see the could-haves, the might-haves, the  _should_ -haves. There were so many choices tangling together, so many threads interconnecting the web of a single _second-_ it took a long time to decipher it, to understand it. He could see it- and knows the TARDIS made the best choice available. River may not see it as clearly- she's only a couple hundred years old-but the single path chosen for them to go through was the only acceptable one. The others-the others were just as, mostly worse than, painful as losing the Ponds.

Charlotte looks at him when River finishes speaking, and he can see the time, the _wisdom_ swirling in her eyes that can only be one thing.

The TARDIS has always looked after him, he knows. He's never had a cause to doubt her, and he doesn't plan on starting now. There's been one constant, always, since he left Galifrey: her.

In a way, the Doctor thinks, the TARDIS is like a mother. Before, his companions have said 'wife', 'girlfriend', even 'lover'. But those terms don't fit. A lover doesn't make the choices for you that you won't make, doesn't have that same _drive_ , the maternal-like instinct to immediately protect and house you. A lover can leave.

A mother never will.

He looks down at the console, running a soothing hand over her, trying to show her his gratitude, his love.

"You've forgiven me for the choices I made," he says softly, "why wouldn't I for you?"

The TARDIS isn't just a ship-she's a member of their family, he realizes.

She will always looks after them. 

He looks to his wife, smiling, and she nods. "Let's go get my baby. Then we'll see about going and getting some help."


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oh, you're back. She's in there," Georgia gestures sleepily, "Feel free to stay the night again, whatever. Glad you're back, hopefully the five day vacation let you rest. You won't be getting much after this, I can promise that much..." She mumbles as she turns, leaving the door open behind her.

_March 6, 2013. Anthony and Georgia's house.  2:12 AM_

"Ready?" The Doctor murmurs to her, slipping his hand in hers.

"God, yes."

They step outside, together, and the Doctor knocks on the front door. It feels like roughly 2 in the morning, and when Georgia opens the door, she's sleepily rubbing her eyes and tugging on her robe.

  
"Oh, you're back. She's in there," The woman gestures sleepily, "Feel free to stay the night again, whatever. Glad you're back, hopefully the five day vacation let you rest. You won't be getting much after this, I can promise that much..." She mumbles as she turns, leaving the door open behind her.

They step into the house slowly, River entering first. She takes a deep breath. "God, it's been-"

  
"Forever?" The Doctor gives her a bitter sweet smile.

River nods, tugging on his hand as she leads them to the room Brooke sleeps in. She stops in the doorway, staring at her daughter. The Doctor nudges her forward after a moment, and she surges to the crib, scooping Brooke up in one fluid motion.

He doesn't join, not yet, content to let his wife see her for baby the first time in years. He loves his daughter more than anything, but he knows that the bond between a mother and child is, perhaps, the strongest in the universe. River needs this- needs to hold Brooke in her arms and feel her warmth, needs to kiss her tenderly on the forehead and hug her to her chest so tightly, it's almost too tight.

She doesn't even whine; the Doctor thinks she can sense how much her mother needs her touch.

A silent tear runs down River's cheek, and she chokes out, "Hello sweetie. I've missed you," before burying her nose in the babe's neck.

His wife doesn't waste her tears, and seeing her crying once again reminds him of how much longer she's waited than he has- perhaps hundreds of years more than he. She's, no doubt, thought of their daughter every night, just as he has, and has planned out everything she'd say if given the chance.

He also knows that, just as he has, she forgot anything she needed to say the moment she saw her.

He walks to them, placing a steady hand on River's back and wrapping the other around until he can hold them both against him.

Though it's an absolutely awful habit to begin, Brooke sleeps in their bed that night, with both of her parents wrapped around her. She hasn't really said much to them, besides expressing her happiness from seeing them, and once again the Doctor thinks she somehow understands her mother's needs.

Neither of them go to sleep that night, and neither of them talk; they listen to Brooke's heartbeats in silent agreement, each draping a hand over her small form.

\-----------

The Doctor cracks another egg over the pan and turns up the heat. He decided to make breakfast for the couple as a thank-you, though he thinks he should probably throw a romantic cruise in as well.

Thinking of bringing them on a trip brings his thoughts back to his companion. Clara's smart; one of the cleverest he's ever had. She'd already noticed something was up before the whole Library deal started, and it's only a matter of time before she figures it out on her own. A misplaced toy, a pacifier in his coat- he'll give it away somehow or another.

He'll tell her, he decides, flipping the egg expertly onto a plate. Though he doesn't plan on leaving his family any time soon.

"What's this?" Anthony's groggy voice cuts through the air.

The Doctor holds up the spatula in greeting. "Oh, Tony! Can I call you that? I think I like it. I'm making you breakfast. You know, as a thanks." He pauses. "Though technically you did buy it."

He rolls his eyes, but smiles nonetheless. "It wasn't a problem." He walks to the coffee maker. "Though..."

"What?" The Doctor cracks another couple eggs into the grease.

"She is quite... interesting."

The Time Lord snorts. "I'd certainly hope so."

"You know we took her to the park? She wanted to bring that nerf gun that River packed for her, so she had it in her lap in the stroller." Anthony laughs. "She started shooting at the ducks by the little pond, and do you know she hit almost every one?"

"Just like her mother." He tries to look exasperated, but it comes out too fondly.

The younger man trains an intent gaze on the Doctor's face. "Somehow, a pony and two dogs also followed us home and ended up in the backyard."

He chuckles. "A pony?"

"Tell me Doctor, is your daughter telepathic?"

"Maybe a touch." He pauses. "Where's the pony now?"

  
Anthony sighs. "Back with its owner. Locked up, because it kept escaping and coming back here. Brooke must have had a good argument."

"It probably wasn't too hard, when you think about it. Either live in a fence your whole life, or go with an adorable child who promises time and space with her parents."

"She was fun, I'll give her that. These past few weeks have been some of the most exciting of my life. It's been kind of-" He pauses. "eye-opening, I suppose. You two have always been so foreign and alien- I mean, in a way, that is magnified in Brooke, but you're still people. You still need food, and have feelings, and need to be cared for."

The Doctor smiles softly. "That I do."

A few minutes later, the women join them. River bounces a babbling Brooke on her hip as she kisses her husband, nicking a piece of bacon from behind him and biting it with a wink.

"Bloody minx," He mumbles, but his eyes sparkle with happiness.

"Language!" River admonishes, elbowing him as she makes her way over to the small high chair.

He scoffs. "Your daughter has been cursing ever since she knew it was possible."

" _My_ daughter when she's misbehaving? Alright. We'll see how that goes." River sits Brooke in her chair and sits beside her as Georgia sits on the other side with a small milk bottle.

"Here you are," The American holds the bottle to the baby's mouth.

River stands, a bit too quickly, and there's a loud screech as her chair slides across the linoleum floor. She winces. "Sorry- it's just, I'd like to feed her." Georgia looks startled, but nods. "Of course- I didn't think. Became a habit, I suppose." She gives the bottle to her.

River knows being jealous is ridiculously petty- after all, from Brooke's point of view, she's only been gone five days. But she hasn't fed her daughter in more years than she can count, dammit, and it's her turn to be the mother again.

It's quiet as they eat, and it takes ten minutes for Georgia to pipe up. "How long were you gone, if you don't mind me asking."

River glances at the other woman. "Longer than we'd planned."

Her eyes are burning into her face, and River feels uncannily exposed. Georgia is far more intuitive than she'd thought. Though, she should've expected it- Anthony is a Pond, after all, and they don't have low standards.

"Doctor?" Georgia looks to him.

"I was gone less than a month." River doesn't need to see her husband to know that the look he's giving the human says _Drop it_.

Anthony clears his throat. "River, for all we joke, I won't lie- sometimes it is strange to have an alien as a sister. I've always put you on a pedestal, my whole life, and here I am taking care of your genius baby. I know you probably don't think it's-well, I know that we're not-" He pauses, frustrated. "what I mean is, I'm glad we met you. You're just as amazing as mom and dad said, and it's been nice knowing you as a person, instead of this awe-inspiring image."

River softens. She knows the two are trying to help- and honestly, they've done so much for her. She has been slightly bitter, and they really don't deserve it. "It's been nice getting to know you, too. And thank you, both of you, again for taking care of her while we were away. There aren't many people we can trust to do that."

"I'm glad you can do that for us, then." He looks down. "River, there's something-" He bites his lip, and she recognizes her own  mother in the mannerism.

He's hiding something, she can see it. "Yes?"

"Mum and dad wrote you something- a letter." At her expression, he adds- "I'm sorry, I should've told you sooner, I know- And I promise, I haven't read it, it's just the last thing she gave me before-" He shrugs sadly. "Well, you know."

The news isn't expected, at all. Of course, she'd always wondered why her mother had written the Doctor a letter and not her own daughter- but honestly, she'd become used to not being first. The Doctor was a constant in their lives. After Berlin, she saw them sporadically, sometimes without them knowing who she was. They loved her, of course- she knew that. But she understood that her relationship with them wasn't normal, and couldn't ever add up to the lifetime they had with Anthony.

She realizes that she doesn't want to read it now. She doesn't need it.

Later, she will, she's sure. Later, she'll need to know what's in there, what they thought of her, what they had to say in their last years. But for now, she knows how loved she is, and is content in the knowledge that her parents did, in fact think of her, and not just their beloved imaginary Doctor. She's tried to never be jealous of how close they have always been, and often failed. But knowing this settles her at last.

The Doctor's now constant presence in her mind seems to hum in encouragement. 

"I don't want it." She says.

Anthony looks surprised. "River-"

She holds her hand up. "A day will come when I'll need that letter. I'll need it a lot more than I do now. There are always days like that. Then I'd like to read it."

His eyes tell of his confusion, but he nods.

\---------

After saying their goodbyes, River goes into the TARDIS with Brooke and her bags. The Doctor lags back, stopping beside Anthony.

"Thank you. Again."

The younger man shakes his head. "It wasn't a problem." He hesitates, then reaches into his coat and pulls out an envelope. "Doctor-"

"She wanted you to keep it for her."

"I know what she said, but-"

"Anthony. When she wants it, she'll know where it is. Safe with you."

"It'd be safer with you."

When the Doctor doesn't reply, Anthony sighs. "I didn't think you'd take it anyway." He looks intently in the man's eyes. "Doctor, did River die?"

The Time Lord starts. "What?"

"Before you left, you said- that's what you acted like. You were leaving with her, and she was dying. Did she?"

The Doctor searches his face. "Yes."

"But you got her back? For good?"

He nods in affirmation, and Anthony relaxes. "Good. As long as she's safe."

"I can't promise safe," The Doctor gives a crooked grin, "after all, it is River Song. But there won't be any more dying."

"I suppose that's all I could ask for." Anthony stretches his hand out. "I hope you have fun. Save some civilizations for me."

The Doctor grabs his hand and pulls him into a hug instead. "Of course."

**[A/N. Votes and comments appreciated.]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments appreciated!


End file.
